Lunar

Tonight, out of (again) boredom and desperation, i chatted with the alcoholic i met online. By now he deserves a name, don't you concede? Let's call him Marvin.

Marvin claims to have had only one beer this afternoon, and now is considering having another. It is 9:17 p.m. on a Saturday, and the dude's pondering if he should have seconds. Maybe he's not an alcoholic after all.

He still maintains that i'm "nice" (the most hateful word, ever!) and "funny", and still wants to meet me. I'm like, "Dude, i'm an alcoholic! What is wrong with you?" He's like, "I have some alcoholic friends and they're fun to hang out with."

"Alcoholics are dealing with a lot of sadness," i wrote. "Possibly anger too. The fun persona is just a façade to hide behind."

For about five minutes we actually had an enjoyable conversation. He laughed at some of my comments, and i found him funny on two occassions. I used the word "preemptor" and was proud of myself.

I found myself thinking, maybe i should meet this guy. Then he turned stoic on me. All his responses became one-liners. He didn't get my jokes and was unresponsive to playfulness and compliments.

The new line i've recently added to my profile is (and i'm paraphrasing): A good conversation is like a tennis match well played - no one hogs the ball, and the ball is always in the air.

Well the convo tonight was certainly NOT a tennis match well played. I found myself sore from holding the racquet, wondering in frustration, "Where is the fucking ball?!?"

It dawns on me it is unrealistic to expect the kind of conversations JD and i used to have. In the beginning i'd be glued to the puter for hours, hell with sleep. Even after our coupledom ended and we graduated to using the phone, it was always, but always, a seamless exchange at the Wimbledon.

I'm suddenly reminded of an Australian girl i used to chat with in the mid 90's. As a matter of fact i have thought about her on and off in the past years when the topic of kindred spirits crosses my mind.

This was when i'd first discovered chatrooms. We all remember those days. When i met Alice*, we were each married. Apparently i was lonely in mine or i wouldn't be hanging around chatrooms. I wasn't looking for love, just a remote hint of being connected to a better, alternative world.

Alice and i clicked right away. We laughed and totally got each other. I felt totally comfortable with her, and she told me everything in her life, never holding back. She had a few extra pounds on her, and this wonderful vulnerable, genuine quality about her. And she had the most adorable, beautiful little girl called Edith. I even liked the husband. He was cool. Had a sense of humor. I fantasized about traveling Down Under to meet her. Them.

"If you were a guy i'd be falling in love right now," i wrote to Alice.

I promised to make her a crystal necklace (i was quite a jeweler then) but i got a job and it all fell through the cracks. Before long, she got divorced, lost internet access, and we lost touch.

This was, of course, long before JD. To this day i wonder how Alice is doing; what Edith looks like today.

Before Alice and JD, there were a handful of friends i could totally spill my guts with, but not necessarily felt that complete click with. And since Alice and JD, there've been people i can laugh with, carry a decently entertaining convo with. But in the end, i see true compatibility and connection comes only once in a blue moon.

And you know what? The "blue moon" expression is deceptive. For a blue moon is the second of two full moons occurring in the same month. Astronomically, that's rare. But still, not as rare as when i met Alice and JD, respectively.


*Not her real name