The Dear JM Letter That Wasn't

I miss having a good girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, Denisse is great, and i'm really grateful we get along so well. But she's not exactly affectionate.

I had a gang in L.A. JM was the bestest. We were so alike temperamentally. We were both sweet and eager to please. We were both drawn to men who are aloof and hard to read.

(BTW, have you noticed there's "mental" in "temperamental"?)

JM was unhappy with her marriage. For a few years, she was tangled up in a tormenting affair, unable to break free.

We shared so much heartache. To this day, when i pass by the Applebee's off Saratoga on 280, "our" joint, i still think about her and smile inside.

She's a friend of a lifetime - one of those rare few you're really glad to have met. Even though she moved to MN last year, i didn't think the distance would change anything. We'd still be us.

These days, even though there are things i'm dying to share, i don't contact her much. Having started on a nursing program while working full-time, she's unlikely to have time to herself. Why should i bother her?

"I don't want you to think i don't have time for you any more," JM recently wrote.

Then she goes on to recommend listening to Christian music. It's helped her cope with everything. Improved her relationship with the husband, even.

It all started when i made her the mix CD, she says.

Sure, i put a bunch of sappy, positive, "spiritual" tunes on there, but who knew it'd turn her Christian on me??!

I was so overwhelmed with an array of emotions, i couldn't reply. Still haven't.

I feel like i've lost her forever. It won't be the same telling her my sinful ways any more.

People change. They get married. Have kids. They move away. They turn religious. No matter. I'm always the one who's left behind.