Another Bonnie In My Book

My cousin JY used to be like the little sister i never had. She adored me. Thought i was the coolest. She was one of my best friends.

The magical summer when she was 18 and i was 22, we'd get tipsy on champagne in mini bottles - you know, personal size - and have great talks and great laughs. We'd stick our heads out of the moonroof of our family van while my Dad drove, yelling, "Woo hoo!" all the way home from an evening of drinks. It was no limo, but it was fun.

Boy is my alcoholism a long way comin'.

JY and i grew apart over the years. I get frustrated. When she laughs, she tries not to show her teeth - her white, close-to-perfect teeth. She covers her mouth, and tries to keep it down. OMG, we used to laugh our asses off. We didn't care where we were, or who was looking. Now she's all ladylike and demure. Fuck. And she watches what she eats and how much she eats, like a hawk. And she doesn't eat meat any more. Or cuss. And she thinks ordering a cocktail at lunch on Saturday is blasphemous... She's just not the fun, real person i used to know.

Just now I realized i hadn't mentioned her on here since 11 months ago.

Today i dreaded having to return her call. But i did. Cuz despite it all, i do still love her like the little sister i never had.

JY asked if i planned on visiting my parents in Asia in the near future.

"I'm not feeling it... that i wanna go," i said.

"It would be good if you would visit them," she said.

"I know," i tried to explain. "I'm just saying i don't feel the desire to go."

"It would be just a week or two," she responded.

"Yes," i said. "But i'm trying to stay honest. I simply don't have the desire."

"But it's only a week or two!" She insisted.

OMG. That's when it hit me again. We're on different wavelengths now. I answered her question. I see she could not process my answer. She could not compute the information i was emitting.

When you don't want to see someone, even a second is too long.