La Tortura*

I'm sure you were all holding your breath till the next development in the fascinating saga that is the dysfunctional relationship of my Mom and me.

First she remarked that she heard from my cousin Jojo who heard from JY my other cousin that I had lunch with Aunt Evelyn on Monday. I chuckled, "That's kinda indirect!"

"Well! Not like you said anything about it," she replied.

Hmm... OK. Classic passive-aggressiveness. What are you gonna do. I did consider sending her a pic of me and Aunt Evelyn that we took at lunch, but i was convinced she'd just focus in on my double chin. Besides, i knew we'd be engaging in this delightful conversation in just a few days, when we went online. What's the rush, right? And of course, the fact that i managed to send her new pix of her grandson just a couple of days ago never got so much as a mention.

About 35 minutes into the net conference, my Mom lowers her voice in a covert way that signifies she's gonna switch to a shameful topic. "It's been a while since I've gotten a chance to ask about your condition..." she mutters.

She's referring to the immuno-disorder for which i need to be on medication for life. Turns out she's started associating my weight gain with the medication. Not that i've ever hinted at fatness being a possible side-effect.

"No, ma," i reassured her. "It's not the drug. I just eat a lot."

With a shriek she abruptly switched from a sigh of relief to scolding, "You worried me to death! For days! And it was nothing!"

Uh, sorry i was not really bloating with harmful chemicals with unknown side-effects, Mom. But, hey, ever thought to ask? And yeah, it makes a lot of sense for me to have been on the meds for two years and BAM! Only a couple of months ago it started to kick in and turn me into a fricking pig.

And she goes on, of course, "So do yourself a favor and do something about it!"

She turned me speechless at the moment but now when i think back, that's almost as funny as the times JD's Dad's told him to pull himself up by the bootstraps, referring to his depression. Sure, why didn't we think of that? You are brilliant! Thanks for the tip!

*it's only beautiful when Shakira sings it : )