Pretty Please, Don't Hate Me

Today was absolutely the worse day at work. I had just discovered a serious mishap that could imply fraud that i should report to my supervisor, since i was the monitor of mishaps. Thing is, i should've noticed it two months ago, when i had first started at this location.

Memories of past job blunders began to fill my head. "Mildred is really gonna hate me now," i thought.

This is what therapists call a downward spiral. You start with one relatively trivial event, and you keep ruminating until it snowballs, and the notion that you're a loser becomes universally true. I considered resigning.

Mildred was in meetings all day. I left her a voicemail, dreading the moment to come clean. Every time the phone rang, i cringed. Heartburn kicked in. I wasn't all there. I felt like crying.

I felt like a 5th grader all over again. (There was one incident in geography class i'm not gonna recount. I was so literally sick i had to excuse myself to head over to the little girls' room.)

Why this fear of an authority figure disliking me?!! So what if Mildred does hate me? So what? Does that really affect me as in individual? My Lord!

Early in the day i thought i was losing my mind, and i had to tell someone. I knew i could trust JF my girlfriend at my old stomping grounds. I spilled my guts and thanked her for listening.

After hanging up, i thought i should ask her not to tell anyone until i'd told our boss Mildred.

She laughed and was all, "Oops, i've already told one person."

Matt, out of all people.

"But i won't tell anyone else now," JF assured me.

Within 30 seconds Matt called to lend a listening ear. I thought that was so sweet. I was inconsolable, but i tried to pull it together.

"Let me know what happens," Matt said.

I went to Quizno's for lunch. Stress had killed my appetite. I wanted something light. As opposed to my usual giant glob of refined carbs such as fried rice or noodles. I'm not much of a sandwich person, but i just love Quizno's.

Ringing me up, the cashier asked me if i wanted to win a thousand dollars.

Given the condition i was in, i imagined the stuff i would have to do to gain a chance to win would not be worth my time. And, really, what's a thousand dollars?

"Not really," i replied.

I don't think the guy has ever had a patron reply negatively to that question. I bet i made his day.

After lunch i called Matt, "I'm gonna need a drink at the end of the day!"

I wanted to ask him out. I mean, let some good come out of the predicament! But he didn't let me finish.

"Would you like go out for cocktails?" Matt asked immediately.

"I would," i said. "Are you available?"

"I am," said Matt. And he sounded glad. Giddy, really.

So, to make a long story short, Mildred laughed it off when i told her of the mishap.

"Let's not panick yet," said Mildred. And laughed.

"Let's panick later," i replied. Then we both laughed.

Aww... i made Mildred laugh. That meant so much!

"I developed an ulcer over nothing," i texted Denisse.

So, to make a long story short, Matt blew me off after all. And, to top it off, he's postponing our Friday thing till Saturday, cos he gotta go to the Giants game.

It's good to know he's got a thousand priorities over me.

I was miffed. Damned straight.

You know, earlier today, when i was starting to feel i cared, i thought this would happen. I was just setting myself up to get hurt again. And lo and behold, here we are.

Later in the night i realized i can't do Saturday anyway. I've got Denisse lined up. I promised! And unlike Matt, i keep my promises.

Well, at least Mildred doesn't hate me.