Utter Chaos

This is the kind of mess i make when drunk. When i'm drunk i'm not averse to chaos. (I guess the same applies to my life by and large! haha.) Which is why i can't bring myself to look for anything while sober if the search entails creating a mess.

This kind of still life cannot be staged. This kind of symbolism cannot be made up.

Last night i was searching for Blues Traveler's 1994 album Four. I knew i had it and i'd been meaning to look for it for weeks. Sometimes music is my only instant gratification. JD and i saw Blues Traveler perform live last September at one of those festivals where you walk around feeling like a kid all day. It may sound totally pathetic, but it was probably one of the happiest days of my life.

Again, i wasn't gonna play "Hook" or "Run-Around" right then and there. But knowing the CD was in my possession - that knowledge was like a haven in itself.

You see, there's this damned art and wine festival coming up in my neck of the woods. I want to go, i don't want to go. I wanna go by myself, i don't wanna go by myself. Who knew a little event promoted by the local chamber of commerce could engender so much turmoil, stir up so many unresolved feelings?

"Who knew"? I should've known.