Nest

Denisse flew to Asia again today.

That's one area of predilections in which we differ. She loves it there. She's a happy repeat offender of overseas travels. I don't feel the least need to visit. I've claimed that i won't miss a thing if i never return.

The sheer knowledge she is not within miles of where i'll sleep tonight leaves me feeling lonely, a sentiment that has not stung in a while. But you never, ever forget the suffering.

Denisse's is 5 minutes from RJ's. And of course i practically live at RJ's now. It is as if i never moved from Sunny.

Since Denisse has been coupled with Ethan last September, i no longer see her as regularly as i used to. We no longer conduct our weekly convention. After RJ and i became an item, the deprivation only became exasperated. Lately we seem to have improved on making time, but still it is not the same.

That's what happens. People grow up. Eras end. No connection is forever.

Denisse has been my best friend and confidant for several years after JD moved to Florida and lost interest in communicating. And now RJ is my best friend for all intents and purposes. Which does not mean Denisse means any less. Different dynamics, that's all.

Still there's that sense of loss.

I often complain to RJ everyone on FB's profile picture is that of a kid. Their kid(s). It is as if once you become a parent you cease to exist. Your offspring is your identity. It is disgusting.

Perhaps i'm just jealous.

Someday Denisse will too be married, with children. Even JY who for years swore kids were not for her recently gave birth to a baby girl. In preparation of getting pregnant, she had to get off her acne meds. She cut her hair, relinquished her vegan ways and gained a few pounds. For someone afflicted with vanity, it was huge. I recently went to visit her and the baby. I had never seen that much love in her eyes as she gazed at her baby. Quite frankly, with her loud and foul mouth, i didn't think she was capable. It's true what RJ tells me: having a baby changes you.

A debate occurred that day. Topic: the reluctance to have children will falter. Well, i admit i have seen plenty of evidence. For instance, W and Elsie spent years convinced they'd opt to be childless as well. And now i have two nephews. In the flesh. Very real.

I see i shall likely remain the oddball in a large population. End of discussion.