Laceration vs Incineration

Saw a very difficult episode of Criminal Minds, "Mosley Lane", tonight. Correction: finished watching it tonight. It was that difficult.

Subject: child abuse. Implicitly sexual abuse.

I give a hand to the casting agency. The portrayed perpetrators were creepy indeed. Struck a dark chord.

I was so sure the villainess I'd seen before, the same actress in The People Under the Stairs, an impactful movie from my youth. I was so confident, I call it typecasting. Alas, after swift research I saw that Beth Grant was not Wendy Robie. Would've made a better story though. With fictitious Allison in one and heroine Alice in the other.

And in the supposed semi-happy ending the writers never even addressed what those afflicted adults may have done to those young captives.

I have a hard time witnessing torment and pain anyway, even when it is theatrical. And when inflicted on the defenseless and impressionable it's just that much more sinister.

RJ knows child abuse is a touchy topic for me. Because of that thing i don't talk about, have never talked about with a single soul, probably will never talk about and carry it to my grave. Actually, there are two things. But one is more pervasive.

In Thelma and Louise, Louise will never return to Texas. "What happened in Texas?" Thelma asks. And she asks. And she asks again. Finally Louise loses it. "I will NOT talk about it!" She reiterates. "Do you understand?" And Thelma drops it forever.

To this day i wonder, "What happened in Texas?"

I understand silence generates curiosity.

You see, in my case it wasn't something clear-cut, as told to RJ, like "My Grandpa made me blow him..." (That reference is fresh from an article I read recently by Maia Morgan. And yes, that was a piece that was hard to swallow.)

Sorry. Bad humor.

Seriously, i've known individuals who have really suffered. As a matter of fact I'm convinced if ever I share the story with someone, a therapist or a layperson alike, s/he'll go, "Is that all?"

I first brought it up with RJ probably for the shock value, knowing us Borderline folks craving attention and such. Didn't think it would stick. After all, it hadn't stuck with others after having been alluded. But he's honed in on it and honed in on it. Enough for it to be uncomfortable. Enough for me to reassess the experience.

Perhaps this introspection will shed light and bring insight. Perhaps not. Escapism has worked so well for so long. I am, however, grateful for this night when RJ insists on watching the pleasant surprise that is a new episode of Foyle's War, stating, "You don't have to watch it."

It's good. It's healthy. I could've gone the other (old, tired) route of "Oh, fine, you don't need me!" Well, i did start out going that route. A tiny bit. I thought, "Fine, I'll find something to do!" Know what? Find something I damned well did.