Awe-Ite 2

I was wrong. Instead of one sample of my cervix it was more like five.

Explaining this to me, the doc drew me a diagram to illustrate. The cartoonish cervix looked marred. I was appalled. Hope the wincing wasn't too obvious.

Right before the first biopsy when I was pried open and Dr. Abrahm* was ready to go, he asked me to cough.

I did, perplexed.

"Now do it again," instructed the doctor. "Without moving your pelvis."

Huh? I tried again without knowing what i was doing. He seemed pleased.

Just when i was feeling the first pinch/cramp, he asked me to cough.

Then the second pinch/cramp, and i was asked to cough again. It was a difficult task under the circumstances. I had no strength lying on my back with my feet in the stirrups when someone is picking at my cervix.

Slightly raising my head, i remarked with a smile and a cracked voice, "I thought only men would be asked to cough!"

Both Dr. Abrahm and the nurse cracked up. I felt tremendous.

"Well, I thought coughing distracts," elaborated the doc. "Lessening the discomfort."

"Oh!" I responded, sort of relieved. "So there is no medical purpose!"

The doc was a good sport. Didn't turn defensive or anything. "Try the next one without coughing," coaxed the good doc.

He did it. It was nothing.

"Did you feel more or less discomfort?"

"About the same," i replied.

He was satisfied. However, with the fourth pinch i wished i would've coughed. I silently screamed a little inside.

And the fifth one was the mutha. And he forewarned me, too. Not in those exact words but i wish he had employed expletives. I did! (Silently.) My cervix felt firmly gripped by a tiny gloved palm which gave it a few shakes. It did not like it and reacted violently.

It was hard not to raise the question "WTF?" then.

And then it was over.

The doctor applied something on my cervix to help stop bleeding.

"In about 3 days you may see it come out," advised the doc. "It's gonna look like coffee grinds."

Nice.

Funny coincidence because dumping out coffee grinds and day-old coffee and rinsing out the coffee pot i've often had to hold my breath as the odor for some odd reason i have not investigated reminds me of menstrual blood.

I felt compromised. I'm not even supposed to exercise or lift heavy objects for a week!

Well, not like i exercise. But i do occasionally buy a lot of groceries all at once.

And now there is nothing to do but wait for the lab results to reveal whether i am stage 1, 2 or 3 precancerous.

Operative word being precancerous, of course.

And so i had to celebrate, of course.

With Palabok, my favorite Filipino dish ever. So fishy, so complex, so good!

I've looked up the recipe before. It involves a whole bunch of ingredients i wouldn't have the first clue where to procure. (Squid adobo?!?) Not to mention this is Step 1:

Extract fat and meat from clean crabs, set aside.

Umm, right. It's a no go. Or, as a pretend pinay, i'd say, "No va!"



*Not his real name