Cultured

Got 3 hours to kill this afternoon since RJ missed his flight. Really didn't wanna sit around at home. I considered today the first warm day this year. 82°! Yeah, baby! I wanted to milk it! Decided to take a walk on the wild side and, ha! - go downtown. And what better venue to speed up the hands on the clock than a museum?!

I haven't been back since i last needed to identify with the artist in me when i first moved here. So, only 7 years? The identity crisis may never go away. It's good to acknowledge that. And it's good to get in touch with one's roots again. Without agenda or anticipation.

Bonus: caught an exhibit of Thiebald: 70 Years of Painting. I'd only studied him in textbooks and on slides. Seeing the evolution in stylization, dimension and his brilliant use of color was amazing. Basic forms such as slices of pies, doughnuts and cupcakes at the bakery inspired him. Apparently at age 88 he was still painting.

An artist is just a humble student who happens to be in awe with a lot of the surroundings that s/he takes in, mundane details that may escape others whose eyes and hearts are not as open. It's both a blessing and a curse, one might say.

Photography inside the galleries, with or without flash, was not allowed, unfortunately. The guy thanked me for inquiring.

So i did my best with outside the galleries.

Marred 2

What i get for playing with Alley half naked. Again. You would think i would've learned by now. In my defense, it was hot! Maybe the third time will be the charm.

Another Day in the Garden 2

I know this is the simplest physics probably taught in fifth grade, but i was flabbergasted by the duo anyway.

Sightings

I wonder if this is Gringospeak for "The Far". LOL!

This signage is one alphabet from vulgar. Or close to vulvar!

Breakfast with Me Myself and I

Yesterday morning i concluded that sleep deprivation was way worse than a hangover. A hangover dies at 3 p.m. (on most days. Ha!) Without a nap i was zombie-esque all day.

Tried to fuel up with soy latte and ham and egg on grilled rye. Prided myself on patronizing local business again.

Very hearty!

Misty

I brought home a sample and asked RJ what he thought.

"I think, if you wear this," said RJ. "I'll want to rip your clothes off."

Was i gonna NOT make a purchase?

Dinner with the Fam

Elsie shines again. I couldn't stop eating these!

Swirl

It's come to my attention that pole dancing fitness classes have become popular.

Pole dancing has fascinated me. Those pros make it look effortless and... fun! And since the pole invaded the dance floors at clubs where you go to see and be seen, i've witnessed some real talent at various venues too. It is extremely bemusing to observe guys gathering around the raised platform, all eyes on the pole dancers, transfixed. I've laughed out loud many times. Hell i can't even take my eyes off certain ones at times. I'm sure for some women commanding their bodies to entice comes as second nature. Many are so good it is as if they do this everyday!

I don't need to be gawked at by strange men. For all i know, i may never go clubbing again. I want to learn cuz it's not something i can just watch and simulate, unlike other moves. Course it doesn't help that i don't have a pole. I just want to be able to, if this is such a no-brainer for other girls. And when i do, it's not gonna be about fitness, baby.

Near Rhyme

I like Alley best when she's asleep. In her own domain and not in my face.

This shot reminds me of The Reader for some reason. That film profoundly moved me. I could never watch it again.

No Caption Necessary... Almost 20

If this would've been available in a size larger than 3T i totally would've wanted to buy for my nephews (who are 5 and 3 respectively and in the 90th percentile in terms of height and weight).

Another Day in the Garden

Watching the Gentle Rain (i'm sure that's trademarked) has often reminded me of the musical fountains at Bellagio.

There's nothing like sitting on the john, calling it a day, catching a glimpse of a rainbow and harriedly finishing up so you can run outside and catch a shot.

I brought both my Nikon point-and-shoot and my prized Canon Rebel SLR.

Just as i switched from the former to the latter, it started raining again.

Had i not have had one Dad's version of Shirley Temple in me, i would've run to refuge. Instead i was steadfast and snapped some more.

By the time i came inside, my Canon was poetically beaded with raindrops.

My orange Ilford Antistaticum cloth comes to the rescue! Oh my God that baby has not seen the light of day since i retired my analog Minolta in 2005!

Life is good.

梅菜扣肉 (Pork Belly with Mustard Preserves)

Marbled is good!

Oh, yeah, this is food porn.

Same idea as bacon: looks ridiculously high in fat but once you render it, mmm!

The skin turns a seductive shade and texture after browning. But boy the splatter was insane. I mean i thought i'd seen serious splatter before! I feared for my life! Wouldn't approach the stove without apron, gloves, and a towel as shield!

The layers are so pretty

The skin and the fatty layers turn so tender it is ridiculous.

腐乳雞翼

Never had to process "real" wings before. You know, the 3-part real deal with wingtips intact. But SO worth it! The wingtips are arguably the best part! Finally learned to chop these babies apart at the cartilage, thanks to Elsie to the rescue over the phone (who was also the recipe benefactor). What can i say, haven't cooked Chinese much all my life. It was challenging at first but by the 4th piece i was starting to get the hang of it.

Browned and slow cooked in fermented soy bean paste with chili flakes. I know, that doesn't sound very appetizing. I wish the translation came across better. Just one of those acquired tastes you acquired at an early age and don't question.

Alley the German shepherd approves! She slurps up the sauce!

On the other hand perhaps that just confirms those theories on the invalidity of Chinese cuisine.

I liked it. I slurped up the sauce!

Cola Chicken

Brings back fond childhood memories. Aunt Teresa, my primary caretaker, used to make this when i was in grade school and living at my Grandma's. She'd use only half a can of classic Coke in the recipe, and she'd let me have the rest. It was a treat. Sodas were. Something we were allowed to have mostly only at wedding banquets.

Come to think of it, that generous gesture was kinda like handing over the unconsumed to your dog. Better that than waste.

No... she really did love me!

Porcine 9

Raw Silk

I am very affected by "Irreplaceable" by Beyoncé. I don't tire of listening to it.

I actually didn't catch it when it first came out two years ago since i was in my no TV and no radio hiatus. Just discovered it several weeks ago.

First off, it's a catchy tune. The theme is empowering without being trite in my opinion. I watched the music video and liked the song even more (usually it's the other way around). Beyoncé is so beautiful in it. And convincing. And oh the way she moves!

What i don't understand is why i relate to the song to the extent that i do. It is intense. I have never been cheated on, never asked someone to move out, never been that unattached.

And i'm amazed Beyoncé gets the emotions right, without overindulgence or resorting to stereotypical personas.

How does she do it? She seems to have been in a healthy, fulfilling relationship for a long time. All the while maintaining her dignity and humility despite public scrutiny and speculation which comes with the territory of fame.

Perhaps you don't have to have had dysfunctional relationships to sing about getting over one.

And perhaps i don't have to have been emotionally healthy to know the manifestation when i see it.

True artistry comes from embracing being human. All aspects of it.

Rinds 2

This morning the "coffee grinds" emerged as promised.

I wasn't looking. I felt it first.

It was like slippery latex with goo. Yes, like a miniature used condom. A a miniature used condom that had caught coffee grinds.

Very grateful for the warning, doc!

Incidentally later in the day Dr. Abrahm emailed me with lab results of the colposcopy. BTW Denisse keeps referring to it as colonoscopy even when i have repeated clarified. It is not a COLONoscopy unless you're involving the COLON. In my case, it's the hoohoo?

Come on, she's in the medical field!

OK, I'm a tad cranky.

After explaining thrice I decided to let it go. After all, the woman is on an overseas vacation for Christ's sakes.

I inhaled deeply before viewing the lab results. I guess i want to live after all in spite of previous suggestions.

"Stage 1, stage 1..." I repeated in my head.

In stage 1, there is a very slim chance of the changing cells turning malignant. I think he said 2%. I didn't memorize the figure cuz all i needed to know was single digit, 5 or lower, good. Stage 2 is slightly higher at 12% while stage 3 is at 18%. But it's important to remember that the cancerous development takes years. Possibly decades.

In the email, they're not called stages anymore. I guess the term implies progression and definite doom and it scares people. Now they're called "zones". As in parking your car in the wrong spot?

I'm in both zone 2 and 3.

That is so like me. Can never just be simple and clear-cut. Always want to make an impression.

My heart sank. Even if it takes years. Those years may have started two years ago because with healthcare budget cuts women are now advised to have their cervical screen every 3 years instead of the once a year i grew accustomed to in my 20's. Sure, why rush it if you're gonna take a decade to die?

Next: I'll go in to have those bad cells scraped off.

"Is it gonna hurt more?" I had asked the doc during my last visit.

"No!" Dr. Abrahm assured me. "Probably less. Anesthesia will be used."

Just when i became relieved, he added, "But the needle might pinch."

Needle on the cervix? I shuddered. And i shudder now.

There's a drawback too. Since the post-procedure cervix will become thinner, it is more likely, should one get pregnant, to have miscarriages and early births.

Oh. Well, at least we don't have to worry about that.

Condensation 4

This morning i was lathering up when i turned over and spotted a dark spot on my left shoulder the size of a U.S. dollar coin. It was greyish.

You know when you see something that up close it's blurry and one of your eyes has only peripheral vision. I freaked.

Did i bruise myself mysteriously again? How did i bruise there? Is it melanoma?

I looked away to relax my eyes and reexamine. The area seemed to turn less dark as i turned my head away. A couple of trials later, i couldn't see it at all in my peripheral. Blind spot?

Wait.

It's
a...

shadow.

Of my head.

The window was to my right.

Rinds

Today Denisse was in Hong Kong and RJ, Pennsylvania, on his way to his second son's wedding in Maryland this Saturday.

Without these two my Blackberry sure hasn't made much noise this week.

Today was one of those days when i didn't hear much from anyone. I've said it before and i'll say it again: i feel disjunct!

I kept busy by regressing to the persona of a cooking maniac. Made three things, all firsts. A feat that has not be repeated since my hermetic ways in 2008.

Even managed to get out of the house first to get Alley treats. Ulterior motive: so she would get out of my hair.

This afternoon, after i'd created two versions of chicken wings and set my pork belly (well, not my pork belly) to slow cook, i sat down to watch an episode of House on DVD.

That's right. House. Another dropped ball picked up and dribbled once again.

And before long Alley hopped on the couch to snuggle again. And by snuggle i mean relentlessly in my face demanding to lick it, never taking no for an answer. It takes all my strength to hold her down. And that distracts me from my TV viewing.

The thing with Alley is you can't pay her attention. It's opening a can of worms. She'll just want more and more and more. I have likened her to my mother: there's no pleasing her. You can NEVER do enough.

It wasn't even four yet! As told to RJ: it was way early for me to be loving.

So i whipped out one of the three goodies i purchased at Petco earlier: beef-flavored raw hide.

She disappeared with it for a short while. And when she reappeared, she observed her restraining order. Magic!

But she's been acting so depressed since RJ's departure on Monday (guarding the door, sighing; sleeping by RJ's side of the bed) that i don't have the heart to reject her 24/7. She's been there for me when I'd felt disheartened.

The sun intermittently peeked from behind clouds later this afternoon. As fickle as for seconds.

The sky was a lovely postmodern camouflage print of baby blue, white and grey again. I didn't remember it doing that other than in October.

Wind at 17 mph. I fluctuated between comfortable and flushed and chilly. Couldn't decide.

That's California for ya.

But i stayed out because i knew Alley wouldn't if i didn't.

I concluded that having a dog gets you outside. It's true.

It gets you social, too. I remember a conversation with Elsie years ago. Elsie and W are, what shall i say, guarded and private. Not long after getting TC Elsie observed that having a pet means obliged to interact with strangers.

And of course, now, with kids, that just blows up to an exponential degree.

I savored the duration this afternoon outside, doing nothing but being there, as close to nature as i'd get in a Wednesday afternoon. I didn't need to read, or get online, or select a playlist on my iPod. I just watched the wind-swept grass, listened to the birds chirp, and felt the (unreliable) sun on my skin.

Having a relatively suburban, sizable backyard is having nature as accessible as i have ever experienced. And the fact that i can take in as much as i desire at any given time and return to the safe haven of the great indoors (cuz i can be as fickle as nature)? Priceless.

Snippet 167

RJ:
(Commenting on my last post)
Any recent experience on this front? Don't remember buying you a drink.

V:
You've been a great friend!

RJ:
Put it on my tombstone... Or perhaps more accurately, my urn.

V:
For eternity i can think of greater compliments!

Quote 213

A friend does not say, "My issues are bigger than yours." A friend listens... and then say, "You're beautiful, I love you -- now shut up and I'll buy you a drink."

- Amy Karn

First Apple on the Tree

Well, it was the first one big enough and pink enough to have caught my eye.

After the Rain

This droopy one would make a good entry in my series "How I Feel At Times".

Awe-Ite 2

I was wrong. Instead of one sample of my cervix it was more like five.

Explaining this to me, the doc drew me a diagram to illustrate. The cartoonish cervix looked marred. I was appalled. Hope the wincing wasn't too obvious.

Right before the first biopsy when I was pried open and Dr. Abrahm* was ready to go, he asked me to cough.

I did, perplexed.

"Now do it again," instructed the doctor. "Without moving your pelvis."

Huh? I tried again without knowing what i was doing. He seemed pleased.

Just when i was feeling the first pinch/cramp, he asked me to cough.

Then the second pinch/cramp, and i was asked to cough again. It was a difficult task under the circumstances. I had no strength lying on my back with my feet in the stirrups when someone is picking at my cervix.

Slightly raising my head, i remarked with a smile and a cracked voice, "I thought only men would be asked to cough!"

Both Dr. Abrahm and the nurse cracked up. I felt tremendous.

"Well, I thought coughing distracts," elaborated the doc. "Lessening the discomfort."

"Oh!" I responded, sort of relieved. "So there is no medical purpose!"

The doc was a good sport. Didn't turn defensive or anything. "Try the next one without coughing," coaxed the good doc.

He did it. It was nothing.

"Did you feel more or less discomfort?"

"About the same," i replied.

He was satisfied. However, with the fourth pinch i wished i would've coughed. I silently screamed a little inside.

And the fifth one was the mutha. And he forewarned me, too. Not in those exact words but i wish he had employed expletives. I did! (Silently.) My cervix felt firmly gripped by a tiny gloved palm which gave it a few shakes. It did not like it and reacted violently.

It was hard not to raise the question "WTF?" then.

And then it was over.

The doctor applied something on my cervix to help stop bleeding.

"In about 3 days you may see it come out," advised the doc. "It's gonna look like coffee grinds."

Nice.

Funny coincidence because dumping out coffee grinds and day-old coffee and rinsing out the coffee pot i've often had to hold my breath as the odor for some odd reason i have not investigated reminds me of menstrual blood.

I felt compromised. I'm not even supposed to exercise or lift heavy objects for a week!

Well, not like i exercise. But i do occasionally buy a lot of groceries all at once.

And now there is nothing to do but wait for the lab results to reveal whether i am stage 1, 2 or 3 precancerous.

Operative word being precancerous, of course.

And so i had to celebrate, of course.

With Palabok, my favorite Filipino dish ever. So fishy, so complex, so good!

I've looked up the recipe before. It involves a whole bunch of ingredients i wouldn't have the first clue where to procure. (Squid adobo?!?) Not to mention this is Step 1:

Extract fat and meat from clean crabs, set aside.

Umm, right. It's a no go. Or, as a pretend pinay, i'd say, "No va!"



*Not his real name

All That's Left of My Steamed Veggies

There is something very zen about a slice of jalapeño floating in soy. Arguably not second to a lily pad a distance from a resting frog on a rock in a serene pond. Or a raft approaching the lone island of a broccoli floret on a calm day at sea.

Awe-Ite

Today i go in for a colposcopy due to my recent abnormal Pap smear.

The etymology of the word "colposcopy" is from "kolpos" in Greek which means, well, pussy.

Everything is from Greek.

A pamphlet was mailed to me telling me exactly what to expect and how to prep for it. Nothing in the vagina 24 hours prior to the procedure. I had never put anything like that in my calendar.

The accompanying letter advises that i "may bring an iPod or MP3 player to this appointment".

Hmm... Let me see. They're gonna be stinging me on the inside with vinegar and snipping off part of my cervix. What would be an apropos soundtrack to that?

Herb Crusted Rack of Lamb

Had leftover herbal bread crumbs from when i made lamb shoulder chops, so decided not to be chicken (or cheap) and go for the Rolls Royce of lamb cuts.

Last time i made this was 2005. Such a champion of a recipe, it almost felt like i couldn't fail. And indeed i was blessed with sweet success again. Now i can call the recipe "tried and true".

Browning

Patting on the crust is very zen to me. I feel nurturing. It's almost like lulling a baby to sleep - turning a beast into sheep. And something about how the ribs line up is visually satisfying to me so i take all the sweet time with the process.

I thought it was undercooked but RJ called it medium rare and "very tender".

Porcine 8

Present from RJ which i not so subtly requested. Picnicking in June, with or without a tablecloth.

Have not picnicked in ages. Many joys have been awakened indeed.

Expedition

This is what I'm traveling to Asia with come August.

I've always been drawn to the juxtaposition of different textures. Soft fabric is a winner when it's gonna be rubbing on your shoulder and under your arm all day. And this baby has got just the right number of compartments. A generous tote, yet doesn't come off as fashion-victim huge-assed. Function, form, and aesthetics - everything just right! Goldilocks would approve.

Taiwanese Firsts

滷肉飯 Layered pork over rice

三杯雞 "Three-Cup Chicken", main condiments being one cup each of soy sauce, rice wine and sesame oil.

Visit Maine

This is one successful ad campaign!


Photo courtesy VisitMaine.com

Snippet 166

Monday. 5:55 a.m. Insomnia.

6:55 a.m. Insomnia.

V:
How about breakfast?

RJ:
Does it have to be now?

V:
How about sex?

RJ:
I can go down on you.

V:
I thought you were gonna respond with the same "Does it have to be now?".

Convalescence

Came across a link to a 30-day alcohol rehab center. Clicked on it out of curiosity.

The video was beautifully assembled.

I wanna be there!

It's Duffy's Rehab.

Located in stunning NAPA VALLEY, the Vegas of wineries!

No greater irony comes to mind at the moment.

Complete with a mug shot of Dr. Duffy:
I thought this was Hitchcock himself, having gone to rehab there!

Delightful

Yesterday Kato teased me for constantly posting food pix on FB. Riley used to, too, before he moved back to Canada. He'd close his eyes, silently chuckle, shake his head and lower it. I swear if i wasn't a girl he'd beat me up when we lunched out.

These guys love food too. They love talking about it. Frequently. In great detail. I just happen to want to document my alimentary experiences photographically. Not unlike taking a naughty snapshot of a lover. I'm not even original in this day and age.

I've read recently tableside photography has become such an epic etiquette dilemma that some restaurants have banned it.

I agree if you take so long you keep someone from eating that's not right. I try to be swift.

At least i'm not dedicated enough to have a food blog. I don't Yelp, either.

This morning i saw that a friend from elementary school had posted a plea on my Wall, "Please stop posting food pix as they are very disturbing..." and then thanked me for sharing.

I wanted to respond with:

You can run but you can't hide. Wait. You CAN hide.

Addicts are everywhere. So i obsess a bit. I'm in good company.

I've often said there are only so many carnal pleasures. There's food. And sex. Damn straight i'm gonna indulge!

Well, okay, there's kissing and massages too. But you can pretty much dump those in the category of sex.

Snippet 165

V:
I'm smelling vegetables. What is it?

RJ:
It's broccoli and scallions. I'm steaming it.

V:
Why?

RJ:
To eat?

Jenna Looking in the Mirror

- Jocelyn Lee

New Is Better

Case in point: RJ's bar spoon (left) versus the replacement i bought today (right)

I was starting to taste the rust.

Libations

This liqueur with whole wild strawberries caught my eye

The sparkling part i'm not so sure

Colossal

Visited the old crew at Merry Lore today to bid one of the guys farewell. He is moving back to Texas.

Everyone is leaving.

But, what better excuse to pig out?

This size is called the King Kong.
Note the Large (white box) in comparison. It was insane.

My hand for scale.