Nexus

Today wasn't bad for a Monday, except i was dead tired. I had a wild weekend. It's not what you think. Well, actually, i don't know what you're thinking, so maybe it is what you think. Saturday night Denisse and i went dancing at a lounge in the Mission District. When we hadn't taken off by 10:07 p.m., i found myself thinking, "I think i'm ready for bed!" When we got to the joint, we were obviously "early". Not much was going on. As it turned out, the party didn't start till toward midnight.

To my delight, Denisse was a drinker. I was still nursing my first vodka shot when she was like, "Are you still working on that? I'm ready for my second drink." I was like, whoa, hold your horses. Who's the alcoholic here? : )

So after a couple, we were both high and chatty, of course. It was really, really nice to have someone to drink and chat with. It'd been a while.

I thought i was just gonna sit at the bar while Denisse danced the night away, but when the music started blasting and the dance floor started to get crowded (and once i'd had my third pineapple martini,) all bets were off. Fuck self-consciousness. No one was watching, and no one cared.

Denisse was quite a sensual dancer. Which was weird for me. To think that we once held hands when she was three and i was preteen. She was like the little sister i never had. I loved her to death.

And now she shakes her booty like there's no tomorrow. But hey, more power to her.

I realize we are very alike - we are both kinda repressed if not for a couple of drinks. We had ourselves some laughs all the way home. At 2 in the morning. My feet were killing me.

Having worked out Sat morning like a maniac, i was extremely sore Sunday morning. Even though Denisse's futon from grad school in Michigan and comforter from IKEA were like clouds.

After driving 52 miles home and taking a shower, it was time to have my first date with Kenneth the musician. It felt like a non-date, cos we were just gonna watch a friend of his play. And he struck me as so low-key (no pun intended) all week that i suspected he had to suffer from depression.

A one-hour thing turned into three. I hope nobody noticed that at one point i was dozing off at the performance, i was so spent. After that Kenneth and i did get to chat for a while, and toward the end i was able to make him laugh. That felt like quite an accomplishment.

And after all that, i headed over to my brother W's to see my nephews. Yep, that's plural now. It feels strange to say that. But joyfully so.

By the time i finally arrived home, which i hadn't been in 30 hours, it was almost time for bed.

(Side note: When i run around that much, i'm running from something.)


It wasn't bad for a Monday, except i was dead tired. Throughout the day a few personnel came in and proclaimed the day weird, when few things were going well.

Rob*, one of our sales reps, has always struck me as odd. He has this very pleasant demeanor, always friendly, always cheery. But in a fake way. And kinda high-strung.

A few weeks back, there was this butt-kissing luncheon for our district person's birthday, and Rob didn't go with the rest of the crowd. When i spotted him, i said, "Hey, didn't you go to lunch with them?"

He confided in me that he was not into group things that way. And plus, he didn't like Santana Row.

But all the while he had his signature nervous laugh going on, so i didn't know if i should believe every word.

Today Rob came in last to declare it doomsday. But dispite the subject, he was still laughing. I couldn't help but comment, "And yet you appear cheery."

He started going off about his "dark side", how his mother always says, beneath it all, he's not all rosy.

Ironic, i thought. As i gazed at his rosy cheeks. He'd reminded me of Santa on a few occasions.

"But i refuse to take those pills," Rob continued. "Cuz they make me feel..." Then he gestured a flatline.

Compelled to pursue, i asked, "What pills?"

"Antidepressants," he cheerfully replied.

"Has someone recommended that you take them?" i had to ask.

"Oh yeah," he responded. "I don't believe in them."

"Are you bipolar?" By then i could seem to put the pieces together.

"Yes," said Rob. He must've noticed my expression of kinship or something, for after a two-second pause, he raised his eyebrows and went, "Are you?"

For some reason, i just blurted out, "I am."

Now, i'm really bad at lying overall, but usually this is something i would think twice about divulging, especially in the work environement. I think the need to honestly connect preceded all caution and reservation. He seemed relieved too.

"Hey!" I smiled. "High five!"

We laughed, and we actually high fived.

That was a truly surreal moment.

"There are actually a lot of people who are bipolar," Rob said.

"It's not that uncommon," I added. I really hadn't known that.

But it's good to know. For a few minutes there i didn't feel so alone. And i felt like i didn't have to hide.

I wonder if Rob drinks too. That would certainly explain the Kriss Kringle resemblance.


*Not his real name