Boo!

It's been a long week. I've been tired everyday. I've lost track of time. This morning, when Matt bragged about having two Halloween parties to attend on Saturday alone, i was like, But it's not even Halloween yet! Not realizing this is the weekend before All Hallows Eve.

Denisse never got back to me about that bash in Castro. In fact it's curious that she hasn't responded to my Tuesday email.

Matt asked where "my helper" was, referring to JF.

"It's the other way around," i replied. "I'm her helper."

"But you're the smart one," said Matt.

I was more than flattered. "You really think so?"

"Oh yeah," said Matt.

Just then Clark the manager walked in. Matt notified me that Clark used to be in deep sea fishing.

"And Matt is going to be doing a different kind of fishing this weekend," winked Clark.

Matt laughed abashedly. I realized there might be some truth in that joke, and suddenly a cloud hung over me.

Tomorrow Denisse, JD and i are going to see Chicago the musical in the city. I had bought tickets months ago as a birthday present to JD. A lot has transpired, and JD and i now have this convoluted friendship... Don't even ask me to explain.

But not having anything else going on this weekend was starting to eat at me.

I felt lonely in that office. Even though i kinda enjoyed the quiet all by myself. Such is the wonderful paradox of bipolarity.

KJ of our floor staff walked in, saw that i was on the phone, and walked out. When i got off, i stood at the doorway and asked, "Did you want to ask me something?"

KJ smiled mischievously as he walked back in. He had this "i know something that you don't" look.

"A customer said to me, 'So you get to work with Miss Universe, huh?'" Said KJ. "I was like, 'What?' Then he pointed at you."

"What?!" i suppressed my bewilderment. "Are you serious?"

"I swear!" Then he crossed himself.

"When?"

"This morning."

"Huh," i contemplated on the scenario. "He hasn't been out much, has he?"

KJ laughed out loud.

Man, i love making people laugh. It's such a satisfying sensation.

So then KJ started calling me Miss Universe for the rest of the day. "That is so funny!" i'd say.

But secretly i thought to myself, i should probably stick to salads from now on to retain that title - I'm so vain. Well, the underlying sin is insecurity. But who needs to beat a dead horse.

I was following up with Clark on a matter that concerned Matt, when Clark attested that i was doing a good job.

"Matt thinks highly of you," said Clark. "And he's the most difficult to please."

That seriously appealed to my sick need to glean affection from challenging sources. I wonder what Matt's exact words were. I wonder if he went, "That V. certainly is doing a good job. And man, that ass!"

After all, i'm Miss Universe for the day. Actually, you know what? I'm not that ambitious. Miss America would've sufficed.

I actually mustered up enough strength to run a couple of errands after work, knowing i wouldn't in the next two days. JD called me when i was about done, wanting to know what the game plan was the next day.

I dreaded having to call Denisse. JD is the only one in the world i don't dread calling. Later he would share that he felt the same about me.

Denisse was in a funk, just as i'd suspected. She was a little uncertain about things, how to meet up, and all the other details. She went on to confess that she would be up and up about doing things for a while, then retreat into "i don't wanna do anything" mode.

"OMG," i wrote (we were in IM. Better than phone i say.) "I'm exactly the same!"

Then i added, "Maybe you're bipolar... I am."

She didn't respond for a long time. I thought, uh oh, maybe i should've bit my tongue. Or my finger. Whatever the analogy.

So i changed the subject and everything was fine.

She has to be bipolar, i conclude. Or at least entertained the possibility. A person who couldn't be farthest from suffering this ailment would just laugh at my suggestion.

It's okay, Denisse. I wanted to assure her. But perhaps it wasn't time yet. Or perhaps i'm on a bipolar witch hunt.

So no Halloween bash for me and Denisse. It's all for the best i guess. I've already broken some of the feathers on my mask. I hadn't known they were real feathers.

There's symbolism about life in there somewhere, i'm sure.