Normality, Here I Come

I spent the day with my best friend IA and her 20-month-old daughter J who are visiting from NY. I had the best time. Both IA and her hubby AA are light-hearted and with good humor, and that kind of positive energy was exactly what the doctor ordered.

When we stopped at Target to get diapers and J started bawling, i felt quite distressed. IA explained that J had been fussy due to jet lag and being in an unfamiliar environment. All I thought of was that i could never have a kid - that would be more than i could deal with.

But later on J took a shine to me. I had played peek-a-boo with her earlier, and now she was really fond of me. I made her giggle, over and over. She could even say my name! I melted instantly.

Delighted, I gushed, "She likes me!"

"She likes everyone!" Replies IA.

Oh. Okay. I wasn't special after all, i see.

I would say, it is so bad i need approval from even a toddler.

JD would say, i'm loving and would make a good mother.

When our party finally parted at 8:41 p.m., I was exhausted and disoriented. I took a wrong turn on the freeway, not thinking straight. I exited and decided to take surface streets instead.

I took pride in that i knew exactly where i was going. I didn't need to stop and consult with maps. I made it home swiftly.

But hark, it took 3 years to be the least bit confident about this place. If i move to Florida, i'll have to learn every route, every shortcut, and commute conditions all over again. When we're young and adventurous, it's exciting. At my age, i'm fearful and reluctant. JD is right. If we make this move, it may very well be our last one. For Christ's sake, I've never even been to Florida. It's scary as hell. On the other hand, it's the most exhilarating thing that's come my way since forever. I wish there was a way to end this post without it being a cliffhanger.