Playing Catch-Up

It worries me when i haven't blogged in a while and become totally stricken with writer's block. If i don't have writing going for me i truly and utterly have nothing.

One thing i learned in my creative writing class is that when feeling uninspired, start writing anyway. It'll be like opening floodgates.

(Baby Tomato is falling behind... Papa Tomato says, "Ketchup!")*

It was an eventful, semi-adventurous long weekend. Took BART by myself for the first time. The train broke down. Had to switch. Took wrong train. Had to reswitch. All breathtaking stuff.

Isn't it a Buddhist saying, "It doesn't matter how long it takes you to a destination, as long as you get there"? Or something like that?

My Aunt Mae was visiting from Minnesota, serving as a good distraction that i didn't know i needed. Aunt Mae and Denisse and i were out and about for as long as the sun was, or so it felt like. Aunt Mae was especially appreciative of the diverse cuisines out here. The three of us ate like hogs.

Sunday at dim sum brunch, i turned to Aunt Mae and said, "I've probably put on five pounds this weekend."

"That's probably true," replied Aunt Mae.

I laughed. I always love candor.

My Sunday date was the weirdest ever. The guy was the angriest, unhappiest person i'd ever met. And he didn't hide his bitterness, either. I was bemused. Most people save this negativity till, i don't know, the third date? LOL. However, strangely enough, a part of me related to him. And we did have a good talk. I made him laugh a couple of times.

At the end i gave him a hug goodbye. It just felt right. Kinda like, "There, there, i know you've been in pain most of your life. And i understand." I think he was surprised, but not averse. We both knew there was no romance there. But in a way our exchange had been pleasant, and more comfortable than most other dates. So that was cool.

And knowing there are unhappier people than myself out in the world always brightens my day. LOL.

He may be cynical, but had the decency to email me the same night to let me know where things stood. Which makes him a far better person than those evasive jerks many women encounter. He called me "down-to-earth". Only the 18th time i've been called that since i've been dating avidly (LOL). Which makes the term officially the crown jewel of my tagline on any dating site from this point on.

So i've signed myself back up on Loser Central aka the dating scene. It was exciting for about 18 minutes. Then it's like, Why am i doing this again?

The girlfriend front ain't going well either. 3 of the 4 gals from Craig's List have dropped off the radar.

Meanwhile, my last spinster friend is getting married on December 31. Bet she's not a virgin any more, either.

This afternoon i had to call my old store, and Rob answered. It still made me uneasy. To make matters worse, Matt said hi in the background. It still smarted. I said hi back mechanically. Then felt profoundly void after i hung up.

On the way to pick up my meds after work, i played the songs JD and i used to sing along to. You know, our songs. We had quite a few. I hadn't been able to listen to them in a few months now. I knew it was unadvisable. But having a lump in my throat felt so good.

Earlier this evening Denisse asked what i was up to tonight. I informed her i was not in my happiest mode.

"Have a glass of wine!" She cheerily suggested.

Really? She still hasn't suspected i'm an alcoholic?!! Are you for reals?!? I was already nursing a glass of Pig's Nose when i read that. After having had two servings of organic sake by Sho Chiku Bai.

Funny how happiness is always transient for someone like me. It's because the cause of happiness is transient. If Aunt Mae lived here i'd be giddy none too much** hanging around.

But life is transient. Why can't i cherish every moment, and be giddy?


*A Pulp Fiction reference
**Another Pulp Fiction reference