Revelation 14

Así Es la Vida. Such is life. That's a program on KFSF, channel 20. A soup, i'm sure.

My dear friend JM used to lament all the time, That's life, after sharing another thought-provoking episode that is the saga of her life, before moving to Minnesota. We'd laugh at the helplessness we both experienced. "Lovelorn" didn't begin to describe the two of us.

I kinda thought that, after i finally got a job, it would kill a lot of the anxiety i'd felt in the past 3 years, and i'd drink a lot less automatically. Not so.

Tonight, after having been to the gym after work (i don't know how i did that), i was sore and exhausted. I even managed to take a much needed shower first. Still i yearned to drink.

There's nothing like drinking, i concluded. (I haven't had recreational drugs, but still.) As i had those first few sips, i savored the sensation of the tonic washing over me like warm liquid silk. I took in the moment with all my being.

Yep, nothing like it. Which is why, alarmingly, a part of me still aches for the times when JD and i could drink AND talk and laugh, all at the same time. Even if that was never gonna last. Even if that was never gonna quite fill the void that is ever prevalent and pervasive, more profound than i can possibly start to remedy.