Crossroads

Big things are happening.

Yesterday I opened and preserved a bottle of wine all by myself, thanks to the user-friendly products by VacuVin and Metrokane. I highly recommend them to individuals like myself who wish to celebrate independence, but don't quite have the physical strength or patience to wrestle with a dumb bottle.

I went on yet another interview yesterday. The president actually remarked, "You're quite independent, aren't you?" I was astonished that I'd conveyed that.

I've also hopped back in the online dating scene, which is probably unwise, given that i'm not quite healed, but i desperately need to feel i'm back in the swing of things and i'm quite alright.

The scene is slim pickings, which is probably the best thing for me now. Can't say I'm entirely surprised either. At least i feel like i'm doing something.

Vague questions such as "What do you do in your leisure time?" and "What are your strengths?" stump me. For one thing I'm only rediscovering what having spare time means. I'm certain others at my age have more figured out at this stage than I do.

But at least I feel driven to be a better person.

JD is at his worse in terms of utter depression. I used to resent when he said our being together enabled us both to continue drinking. We are so compatible, we should be so perfect. I refused to acquiesce to defeat. And tonight, after he's abstained for 2 days, I see that he's been right all along after all. I hate to admit it, but i see it now. It's not easy for me to admit being wrong.

Perhaps it was best that it didn't work out between us after all. Perhaps he'll seek help now, as difficult and painful as it's been for him to fathom going back in therapy. And I'm getting better and feeling freer as a person, liberated from anxiety of trying to win unattainable love. If this is what it takes, then let it rip, Guy Upstairs.

A few weeks ago a friend from school sent me one of those chain letters. "Make a wish... But if you don't forward this to 27 people, your wish won't come true." Well, I'm a little old to believe in that shit. But i did make a wish that day. I wished that JD and I would be happier and healthier, even if it meant we would be apart.

I didn't forward that email. But looks like my wish came true after all.