Lost

Last night i was at a club with Denisse and Russell. I was unhappy.

Never been unhappy at a club before.

And nothing against D and R either. Don't get me wrong. I did enjoy their company. Had a few laughs even. But i was not digging the music. I looked around and thought, "This is not my crowd."

I recalled Taylor texting me in recent past, "It can be so lonely in a crowd..."*

And i texted back, "I get that concept all the time."

I gazed around at these happy people in flashing, sweeping lights of psychedelic colors. No amount of alcohol or deafening music was gonna bring me cheer.

Alcohol is a depressant.

And i am inherently unhappy.

Taylor has called me "freakishly hot". And has commented, "With you nakedness you must be with someone by now."

You see, reeling them in is not a problem. Making them stay is.

I must practice kindness. Toward me and toward others. This will be my mantra for now.


*I'm paraphrasing