Up, Up, And Away

Boy it's good not to be hung up on anyone.

Haven't heard from JD in weeks. On some level i think, "Has he forgotten about me?" But truth is, he has his own battle to fight. We both do. And it's okay.

I still have to maintain that it's fun to be bipolar and i wouldn't trade it for the world, for i had such a high this past weekend, i couldn't remember the last time i was so grateful to be alive.

I was hardly home. Friday night, i met with my online group, and brought Matt along. Matt did act smitten at times. I wish it was more definite, but i'll take what i can get. I exuded so much confidence, i had so much fun, i didn't recognize myself.

Saturday, spent quality time with my brother and his, then caught Music and Lyrics with Denisse. Truth be told, we both want to be portrayed as tough chicks, but (good) romantic comedies are our guilty pleasure. And i have to say this one is surprisingly well done. I laughed my ass off! It's been years since i've seen one that's actually romantic and funny.

Denisse admits to finding Hugh Grant special. I find it remarkable, since JD does, too.

Saturday night was feverish drinking and dancing as usual for me and Denisse. At this place she found, you don't even have to be a VIP to be allowed access to a couch - a true lounge. Thank God. We had us a blast. I even got to turn down and make fun of guys.

Of course on Monday morning i wonder if it's bad karma to do so.

This weekend it's Denisse's turn to come down south. Tonight I mustered up enough strength to head over to IKEA for necessary bedding supplies.

On a shampoo night, too, for christ's sake.

I felt good strolling around IKEA. I actually browsed. I wasn't worried about traffic on the way back. Or running out of time to drink. I took my time. I actually enjoyed myself.

Normal people take this peace for granted, you see.

But i got the wrong size quilt cover anyway. I'd thought it would be funny if, after driving all this way, i'd neglect to ensure the right size... And I did!

But even that didn't rain on my parade.

Everybody is doing their own thing. And so am i. I don't need anyone to need me. And i don't need to reach out. At least not all the time.

Rob was in my store yesterday. His stopping by kinda rattled me. But he was the one who was riddled with anxiety. His face twitched, for crying out loud.

I used to blame guys like JD and Matt for being cold and insensitive. And now i've been in their shoes. There's a reason you're drawn to people who don't love you back. It is YOUR problem.

Yes, it feels a little weird not to be constantly tormented, but i've realized i like not being pissed on. I think that's progress.