Yes, I Know Where Griffith Park Is

For reasons unbeknownst to me, I woke up with residual anger toward York II. How could he dismiss me like dropping a hot potato? From one point of not being able to keep his hands off me. Just because he deduced that i was a drunk? Just from one phone call. WTF? I thought he'd be more understanding and forgiving than that. He the spiritual, the-world-is-one guy.

He's one scarred puppy after all. Not unlike the rest of us. I can hear him yelp now.

I would email him to let him know this is uncool, but that would just prove that i am mental.

I never quite know when ill feelings are gonna surface, or why. So i played Alanis on my way to work. Alanis understands pain, and then some.

At the end of the day Matt and i stole a few moments alone again. He never asks about my weekend any more. Instead he gushes about his. Somehow he often manages to work activities with female friends into the conversation. Which makes me wonder if he's trying to trigger a reaction that remotely resembles jealousy.

He had golfed near Griffith Park in SoCal on his day off. "Do you know where that is?" He asked.

He'd forgotten that i'd told him i used to live in L.A.

I guess he just likes me insofar as i actually listen. Cos i act like i care about his problems. He's not interested in what's going on with my life. I get it now.

Not unlike York II, or JD, for that matter.

So i want someone to like me. It's perfectly human. Just as Matt needs someone to listen.

My psychologist recently suggested that perhaps i subconsciously exude a vibe that says, "I'm not worthy; don't value me."

I was offended at first, but within seconds, i entertained the possibility of that theory. It might very well be true. And men pick up on that. They may not even be aware of it. Kinda like a stink that nags under the radar.

So i have a psychologist, a group therapist, and a psychiatrist. I assure you, i'm not crazy. Really.