Done That

I've experienced a lot in the past week or so. I've gone out twice drinking with strangers, actually striking up conversations, mingling amongst freaks and geeks and drunks. By Friday night i was so socialized out i couldn't even pry myself off the couch. On Saturday, i finally purchased an iPod, after 42 months of pining, and learned to use it in a matter of minutes. After midnight, i danced under the stars while inhaling second-hand pot, and went to bed at 4 a.m. On Sunday, my 2-year-old nephew ran toward me, threw his arms around me, whispered in my ear, then shyly eluded me. His affection overcame me. I melted on the spot.

The very night, my cousin Denisse invited me again to her hometown in Minnesota for Thanksgiving. When she verbally invited me earlier that weekend, i thought maybe she was just being nice and playing along her Mom. But her email seemed earnest. Love deprivation and fear of being alone drove me to spend over $600 on a round trip ticket. After all, my brother is gonna be at his in-law's, and JD is flying to Ohio.

Plus i can see my good friend JM who now lives only a few miles from my aunt. Kill two birds, right? Probably gonna see snow too. I haven't been out of California for 21 months now. Throw in shopping for new clothes without sales tax, and i'm home free.

New boots. I need new boots to brave the snow.

But it's Monday. And at the end of the day, i still feel empty as a shell. Hanging out with fake friends doesn't cut it. I could stay out all night. None of it matters. I don't belong anywhere.

That's 70's song "Never Been To Me" comes to mind. You can live it up, or think you do. But after all the feats, you haven't lived until you know exactly who you are. Only then you are home.

That said, at least i've locked in my turkey feast now. I have something to look forward to. That's something.