Midway...

When i blogged about my outting last Friday, i wrote that i'd wondered what Rob might be doing that night.

I hadn't wondered about JD. I thought i knew exactly what he was doing on a Friday night.

Turned out JD is not as predictable as i thought after all. He'd gone out with that girl on a second date. They had a roll in the hay in his SUV.

Well, i'm sure the vehicle was free of dried vegetation, but you know what i mean.

I'd be lying if i said learning this didn't bother me. It's not so much the sex. It's just the knowledge of him trying to make things work with someone else. How could he, when what we had was close to perfect?

Näiveté breeds arrogance. Together they try to outweigh reason on my mental seesaw. Low self-esteem used to be where reason sits. Now it just lurks in the background, waiting for its turn.

After giving JD a ride to the airport at 5 this morning, i started missing him again. I mean, i always miss him to one degree or another, but this could lead to heartache again. I'd told him the previous night that he was my curse. I can't shake him.

I told myself i can't go thru the motions again. I simply cannot handle the turmoil that always follows.

And then he called during his layover in Chicago. Even though i missed the call, that made things better. It made braving the workday with two hours of sleep under my belt worthwhile. I'm that easy.