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Tonight i am mysteriously craving pizza.

Maybe not so mysterious.

Yesterday afternoon i got a text from area code 954:

Is this V's number?

I was a little annoyed they didn't identify themselves. I called 411 (no internet at work. I know, medieval!) That's Fort Lauderdale, Florida. There's only one person i know who lives in FL. My heart sank. I felt an ache in my tailbone.

Who wants to know? I replied. And was proud to be cocky.

Some girl. Her name sounded vaguely familiar. "You know JD, right?" She asked.

My heart sank even lower. "How do you know JD?" I asked.

"He is now my husband," she said.

The good old "It's not that he cannot commit, he just can't commit to you". Classic.

She wants "to be friends".

Rage took over and took me by sheer surprise. I was overcome.

But i was rational enough to refuse to take it out on the woman. I stated that i didn't believe that JD wanted to be friends.

She found excuses for him. His phone was weird. Text notifications would be easily missed.

I said it was on Yahoo! Messenger.

Oh, he's been busy at work.

Yeah. Not a peep in one and a half years. I'm sure he's been plenty busy. (I wasn't even able to do the math until later.)

It occurred to me she didn't know him at all. The notion saddened me. And she must really, really love him.

And THAT notion saddened me even more.

I just could NOT continue the conversation.

I acknowledged she had to be a very good-natured person to reach out like that.

But, boy, did pain reign.

Buried memories resurrected. Repressed emotions resurfaced. With a vengeance.

Should've known Dexter knew what he was talkin' about when he insisted i face the past and all the pain that tagged along with it.

Abandonment issues. Nothing to do with real abandonment at all.