Pork chops and rice casserole with diced tomatoes in basil and oregano. JD's Mom's recipe. Genius, isn't it?
I'm way more motivated when i'm with JD than at any other time. I'm able - hell, delighted - to do things that are normally a drag to me. A little codependent, you say? I've found this fact troubling myself, i admit. But what harm is there if, collectively, more gets done? This could be a path to feeling better about myself independent of company. It'd take time. But it's a possibility.
Today my aunt sent me money again. I'd implore that she refrain from financial aid, especially when i didn't even need it. I had enough to last me through the end of August.
"Besides," I wrote. "A full wallet may obliterate the sense of urgency of finding a job."
She went ahead anway, ignoring my request.
Now, i can't say i abhor her action. There's plenty of ambivalence. Not unlike other episodes of my life.
JD and i have had our share of jokes poking fun at the situation, us being both depressives and being all too familiar with the inexplicable lack of motivation we experience at times. It's not something you can verbalize. And today the transaction was finalized.
"Fret not," i IM'd JD, referring to my job search. "The money is not gonna make me feel less motivated."
JD was very understanding.
I continued, "I'm gonna be every bit as unmotivated as before. No more, no less."
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