Note To Self

Perhaps you should brush your teeth
as if your orgasm
depended on it.

Vignette 16

Derek II informed me this afternoon that a recent study finds that size 10 women are the happiest of all sizes. Size 2 women are the 4th most miserable.

(He had misquoted. Size 14 women are in actuality the happiest according to the study. But it matters not.)

He guessed that i'm a 2. If that was conjecture based on the level of misery, he was probably dead on. LOL!

"If i'm gonna be happier," i suggested. "Maybe i should go up to size 10!"

"You're not gonna be happier," chuckled Derek. "Stay vain and thin. You're doing great!"

Latest, Greatest

I turned on the morning news, and the first caption i saw was:

Toilet Arsonist Strikes Again

Seriously??

And people wonder why i don't watch the news.

Quote 145

I simply cannot hold

December never felt so wrong

You're not where you belong

I still believe in summer days

- "Winter Song", Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson

And You May Quote Me 36

Nothing pierces my soul any more.

Brisket Stew with Cabernet Sauvignon & Brandy*

And not just any cab. Cakebread cab. I figured if ever there was an occassion that warranted itself, Christmas Day would be it. A cup! A part of me screamed, "Blasphemy!" while another let it pour like a pint of blood gushing out of my arteries, purging my soul.

(Fallacy... It is just another day.)

First time working with pearl onions. Lovely bastards. Who needs Mikimoto?

Thyme... is on my side. Yes, it is.

All that gluttony barely fit in my brand new 6-quart slow cooker, one of my many self-bestowed Christmas presents this year.

High, does it say? Yes... i... was.

The recipe read 4 to 6 hours on High. 3 hours and 40 minutes later, i decided that slow cooking may not be for me. As it is... well... slow.

Love that irridescent glow of the potato skin...

All this to outshine Dinty Moore? I'm not sure...

Note to self: next time, modify recipe so you won't be cooking for a (non-existent) family of four...


*You know you're an alcoholic when you cook with both wine and liquor

By Yours Truly 25

I like this just for the phrase "upside down":

You bet i used my trivet!

Snippet 79

Russell:
Will is sad :-)

V:
Sometimes I feel like that, with flies circling my head.

My New Trivet

For when i bake.

Snippet 78

Elsie:
Have you bought your snow jacket yet?

V:
No. Why?

E:
Well i have this 15% off the Gap coupon good through the end of the day.

V:
It expires today?

E:
Yeah... I thought you could use it.

V:
Oh... Thank you... I'm unlikely to shop after work today, as i have therapy.

Far From Denver

As told to Denisse:

I had hash browns from Jack again this morning - manager's treat. I've been feeling pretty disgusting all day...

This evening i suspect those hash browns may not be the cause of disgust...

Coin

I oscillate between love and hate.

Aliases and Allies

Tonight i had this nagging craving for something fishy. So i went for surimi. Known in the English-speaking world, of course, as imitation crab.

I squeezed in some Miracle Whip and sprinkled on some ground black pepper. Mmm... Amazing how something so simple can be sooo wonderfully satisfying. Beyond the secular and the corporal.

I savored every bite.

Course, some days i'll go for a splash of lemon juice with a dash of sugar and generous chili powder. Zing!

Probably totally unrelated, but this reminds me of a recent day at work when i was battling my mid-afternoon slump by brewing something caffeinated.

Roar stormed in my office, Kramer-style, took a few whiffs, and announced, "Something smells cinnamon-y!"

"It's probably my chai," i informed Roar.

"Oooh... Chai tea?" Asked an amused Roar.

"Uh... Chai is Indian for tea," i responded with a chuckle. "So that's probably redundant."

Oh, yes, i'm a pretentious ass.

Lunar 4

The night before my mother departed South Day to return to her Macanese home, she peered out the Odyssey window on our way back to W's and wistfully observed:

When we'd just arrived, it was almost full moon. Tonight it's almost full moon again.

I was taken aback. I had never thought of my mother as sentimental/poetic. I mean, dang! That was almost zen.

I had scarcely thought of my mother as a person.

I proceeded to realize neither my mother nor i had witnessed the moon full during our reunion.

Symbolic? You bet. Am i my mother's daughter? Grudgingly so. But there is peace in that pool.

Sadly Mistaken

Today i hit a seagull.

By accident. With my car.

Any other scenario would be kinda sick.

Why the little fella decided to digress from his clans' route to dive and land in front of me on a three-lane boulevard while i was accelerating to 40 mph is entirely beyond me.

I swerved a little but didn't exactly desire driving into the car in the next lane. The last i saw of the bird was at the level of my right front tire. I held my breath as i pictured the creature as roadkill. Would be a first for me.

I heard a thump. Something soft on metal. Gentler than a baseball bat.

But i captured a glimpse of the fucka in my side mirror, gliding away, low. I was surprised it didn't collide into another car given the lunch hour traffic.

Tremendous guilt washed over me. What if the bird was seriously injured and was gonna die? Worse yet, what if it suffered a great deal before dying?

(We're all gonna die. We all suffer a great deal.)

My brother W reverberated in my head:

Survival of the fittest

That did not elicit solace. I'm certainly not among the fittest. What am i doing here?!

Reconjugated

My new Canon Rebel with 28-135mm lens makes me happy : ) : ) : )

Condensation

This morning the hot water from my bath tap was lukewarm. This had happened Thursday morning. It took several minutes to heat up which was highly unusual. Today it did not heat up after several minutes.

I left a voicemail for the manager. And i paged the "emergency" number. Then, knowing they don't work weekends, i braved the lukewarm shower which was barely over my body temperature. That was not a fun time : ( I worked quickly.

Afterwards, as i stood naked on speakerphone with Kaiser's EZ Fill, there was a knock on the door. I finished the call, then peeped through the hole.

It was Brandon* the maintenance guy.

"Can you gimme a second Brandon?" I yelled from behind the closed door. (Did i mention i was naked?)

"Oh," Brandon yelled back. "I just wanted to let you know your water heater should be working in half an hour..."

Turned out something had blown up and he promptly replaced the part. I was impressed by the response time!

I thanked him loudly.

Had this been porn i woulda invited him in. But, alas, this is real life. So merrily he went on his way.


*Not his real name

Quote 144

In the end
only kindness matters.

- "Hands", Jewel

Vignette 15

Our crew is having a laser tag extravaganza with two other Merry Lore locations next Wednesday.

"Am i gonna get to shoot you, V?" Asked a stoked Derek II this afternoon.

"Probably not," i replied without looking up from my documents. Then i made eye contact, "Unless it's a real gun."

Deliverance

A glimpse of this makes me think maybe the cosmos don't hate me after all.

Vintage 12

A case of buying the bottle for having wasabi on the label.

French-grown, though. From the Alsace region. Who would've thought?

Love globalization!

Long and Hard

I took this 3 years ago on the SJSU campus.
I can't believe it still holds true today.

(FYI the fine prints reads: www.thedryspellmovie.com)

A Tale of Two Porcelain Ginger Grinding Plates

I've had a case of the dupes for quite some time.

I'm shipping one out to Russell. It's gonna make one strange Christmas present!

Can you guess which one i'm keeping?

...

...

If you guessed the one on the right, you'd be muy correcto. For one thing, as i have just observed, the pattern of the spikes is a lot more haphazard. (I wish you could tell from this photo.) And the plane is leaner.

The one on the left has a textured finish within a parameter (i wish you could tell from this photo) and happens to be authentically Japanese.

But that's not why. None of it. The keeper is the one i have used and washed.

I have ethics.

Winter Benediction 3

Fold

Today i saw Savoy cabbage...
passing off...
...as flower.
Somehow i relate to the Savoy cabbage.


Disclaimer: i'm aware it's not Savoy cabbage : )

Verdant

Finally bought a reusable bag today made of recycled material.
So cute the design, i couldn't resist. A generous size, sturdy and minimalist. Plus i adore the sound and concept of smudge ink.

AND it's machine washable!! Get out!

It is supposed to last 5 years. I'm gonna take it with me everywhere!

Did half my shopping today with the tote. "One less plastic bag," i said to a cashier this afternoon. "I can use my own," i later said to another. I was so proud of me.

Incidentally that first line is a trademark of Danica, i discovered later.

Small changes and baby steps. All i'm capable of.

Twirl

Tonight i listen to Cat Power's "Back of Your Head", and miss when Taylor missed my hand on the back of his head.

"Something comforting in that," he said.

Something comforting in the cupping for me, too.

I loved that i could be alien with him.

I've been deleted all over the place. And yet i can't bring myself to delete that message.

My thermometer says 82°. Yet my hands are cold. I slide them underneath my thighs. A chill runs down my spine.

Reasons To Keep Breathin'... 5

Seafood Bisque

With New Zealand hoki (also known as blue grenadier)

Thai prawns...

Pacific oysters, and Argentine petite scallops (too miniscule to be photographed - LOL!)

In a creamy broth of crimini, heirloom tomatoes... with a splash of port (the recipe called for sherry but i learned the two are interchangeable in most cases)

And, last but not least, parsley!

I go down the list of ingredients again.

I love California!

Masala Noodles

I've been having a love affair with masala noodle for over three years.

First i became a closet fan of Sukhi's version.

For the longest time i was too timid to pursue the dream of making my own. After all, the secret spice combo was never disclosed.

Last weekend i was more than delighted to experience a different version at Grand Indian Buffet.

After much research (knowing me and the likes of GAD patients) i concluded:

Fuck authenticity! (When it's beyond me to determine. And, really, is that important when taste buds rule??)

And thus i decided i was ready to improvise!

Once again i subconsciously pressed my index finger into the blade while slicing the jalapeños. Apparently I thought i was holding something else. Apparently the pressure somehow brought comfort.

I let the blood sit. More autocannibalism at work. It is beautiful!

Is yellow squash inappropriate for winter? Again, rules don't apply.

I chose cellophane noodle (all known as glass noodle) for the texture and ease, and my love for "Mr. Cellophane" from Chicago.

The speckles are black mustard seeds, in case you wonder. I'm not sure they bring anything to the flavor table. Sure adds an enticing visual effect, though.

How My Mom Can Tell Her Grandson OC Has Lost Weight

"He has a neck!"

Existential

I love how, when you're about to comment, Blogger prompts you to "choose an identity".

Life should be that easy. Assume a new identity. Move on.

Snippet 77

V:
I have no friends.

Taylor:
I'll be your friend.

V:
How can you say that?

T:
Easily.

Quote 143

If it's a broken part
replace it

If it's a broken heart
then

Face it

- "Details in the Fabric", We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things, Jason Mraz featuring James Morrison

Unequivocal

By the time i noticed the two hearts from East West,
it was too late.

Eliminate the equation
Or make your own

Or realize equations are transient
and illusory.

Free, At Last 2

Apparently, i can also travel with my passport card to the Caribbean AND Bermuda.

Cool. For when i really wanna get lost.

All In a Day's Work 23

Sounds painful!

Turn

At my mid-morning break, mug in hand in the parking lot 2 feet away from the bus stop, i experienced sun from the southeast and a northwesterly breeze.

I was warm and chilly all at once. And it was all good. Even if i was too congested to hear in my right ear. My cheeks felt. I closed my eyes to take in the sensation. I was desireless. I clutched my fingers to register the warmth of my empty mug, breathed in, and savored the moment that was perfect.

As soon as i labeled the moment "desireless", though, the peace dissipated.

Additive-Free

Baconnaise the ultimate bacon-flavored spread comes in regular and lite.

AND it's vegetarian and kosher. Certified and all! Wow.

LOVE the logo : )

I'm not sure about their slogan, though. Pineapple upside down cake, for instance, probably shouldn't taste like bacon.

I can think of a few guys who would go gaga for this handy, manly stocking stuffer. Drool and google eyes in tow.

Even my spanking new gal pal Sherry* from work with whom i'm gonna try to stay human.

Me, i'm not so much about bacon as i'm a sausage girl. Yes, yes, insert joke. I get old.


*Not her real name

Free, At Last

And it only took 12.5 years.

As described on Facebook, this is a conglomerate of blood, sweat, and tears.

I also applied for the passport card in case i decide to drive down to Mexico one weekend. Or up to Canada. Cuz i'm cool like that. (Ha!)

Drip 2

This banner cracked me up.

OK, maybe i didn't crack up. Maybe the corner of my mouth twitched.

OK, maybe the corner of my mouth didn't twitch. Maybe i smiled inside.

OK, maybe i didn't smile inside. Maybe i imagined smiling.

Still... Beats not being remotely associated with... Glee.

Lingual

Both AC and OC were diagnosed with speech delay at age two.

Elsie vexed herself comparing her sons to other kids.

I urged her not to worry. "A late start doesn't mean anything," i suggested. "Every kid has their own developmental pace and style."

She was not convinced.

"When i was your son's age, I wouldn't repeat single words," i told Elsie. "Once i broke the silence, i spoke in complete sentences."

"Really!" Responded Elsie in amazement.

"According to my Mom anyway," i replied. "See, i didn't speak till age three. And now you can't shut me up!"

Even at age three, apparently, i didn't take failure well. Unless i did something perfectly, i wouldn't do it. Hence the making certain i got the phonics down lest i humiliate myself.

That's pride fucking witcha.*

People don't change.


*A Pulp Fiction reference

Choked Up

This afternoon Derek II said this scarf looks cute on me.

I grinned. "It's loopy," i said. "Like me."