Jane Black

Today i cheated Death twice.

On my way to work in the morning, at a major intersection, half a second after the light turned green, i gave it to the gas pedal, dissing everyone else on their pathetic response time.

I heard screeching brakes.

In my peripheral vision was a looming presence. I looked to my left and there was this yellow bulldozer towering over me at what seemed two feet away. And there was a sedan tailgating it.

I could feel the disdain on my face as i looked away and kept accelerating, fleeing the scene.

Come on, people.

1. If you are going to run a red light, at least speed.
2. Know your stuff: can't pull of the speeding? Don't run a red light!

And if i was behind the wheel in the sedan? I would've swerved around the yellow monstrosity to make the light. Hello?

Have i mentioned i have a (mild - ha!) case of road rage?

Only after i'd left the intersection did i feel my heart racing. I must've left dozens of witnesses behind afraid for me.

I kinda shrugged it off. If i'd gotten rammed into by a bulldozer it would've been a perfect excuse to miss work. You can't make that stuff up!

And if death would've befallen me, all the better. I would've asked, "What took you so long?"

Then on my way home for lunch, i don't know where my mind was, but i wasn't all there.

I was driving over a freeway overpass behind a Prius or something, when i noticed cars (plural) coming at me on my right as they exited 85, having to slam on their brakes in their path so i could pass.

I realized, blindly following the Prius, i hadn't paid attention to the traffic lights.

A Toyota driver, of all people? Dead wrong! (Ha!)

"Shit!" I said out loud. "Did i run a red light?!"

It occurred to me maybe i did have a death wish. And now it'd surfaced from the subconscious.

I can't promise to love myself. But i don't wanna hurt someone. Cuz Lord knows they might actually want to live! And it'd be bad karma! I vow to be mindfully vigilant...