Featherweight 2

On Monday, after weeks of resistance, i finally caved in and bought some size 2 clothes.

For almost two decades i've fluctuated between size 4 and size 8. Size 2 is a first, i must say. Some items of which are even a little roomy. So i'm just marginal - not even quite 2. Like that Elisa song, i'm "A Little Over Zero". Arguably every American girl's dream. And an unrealistic one at that.

It's kind of a statement. I know i won't stay a 2 forever. I just so enjoy it while it lasts. And now i have outfits i'll never wear again as evidence.

The exhilaration is silly though. The flesh will inevitably deteriorate and rot. It's just wrapping paper that's gonna sooner or later land in a dumpster.

Murphy's law: As soon as i own tiny garments, my appetite returns. Eating becomes an appealing concept again. The need to punish myself vanishes.

Dammit, i want my depression back!