Drugged

Tuesday morning i took my first half-pill of Celexa. I haven't had a drop to drink this week. By Wednesday night i had this marvelous sense of peace like a soft blanket over me, dripping with honey and warmer than single malt - greater serenity than i would've ever dared dream of.

That was last night. This morning i became incredibly drowsy even though i'd had more than enough sleep. Later at work, i became giddy. The slightest thing would make me smile or want to giggle. Nothing bothered me. All of a sudden i didn't hate my job any more.

I told Denisse via text. I was actually kinda scared, the effect was so extreme. These meds are supposed to take weeks to kick in. I guess i'm just receptive.

Denisse texted back, "I want one of those!"

The rest of the day i was in a fog. I'm surprised i functioned at all. When i did speak I did slowly and out of cadence, and it was like hearing some else talk. Very surreal.

Driving was challenging. Good thing i wasn't operating heavy machinery on a farm.

As soon as i got home i took an hour-long nap and almost didn't want to get up. After showering i could feel the drug wearing off, but still felt groggy. Shit, it only took 12 hours!

I can't possibly live like this. Yet don't wanna go back to depression. Now what? I left a message for my psychiatrist.

"I don't understand how you can be 'happy' and drowsy at the same time," Denisse wrote in her email tonight.

It boggles my mind too, i told her. It was like a muffled kind of high.