On Uprooting

My parents live in Asia. I've been living in the States for almost 20 years now. My Dad is turning 70 next January.

Even when i was still dating JD, my Mom would hint with every chance she got that it would be nice if i would move back home. She would tout the benefits such as low living costs and low tax rate, and observe how so-and-so's kid had found a great job in Asia after having gotten a degree in the U.S.

My Dad liked JD. He told me, "If you're happy, don't come back. Ignore your mother." I thought i saw tears in his eyes. I was choked up.

Now that's love. Just like Jesus told his Father in Heaven upon facing great suffering, "Yet not what I want, but what You want."

Whoa, my father is godlike.

You see, i love my Dad. It's my mother i can't stand. Last time i visited, i sunk into such severe depression, i could hardly get out of bed, and i couldn't wait to leave. Sometimes just talking to her on Skype turns me suicidal. It's no joke.

Home is where the heart is. I can't imagine living anywhere else but here.

A few days ago, my Mom emailed a classified ad of employment opportunities in my hometown to me, and cc'd W my brother and Elsie my sis-in-law.

I had to say something. But i could never confront my Mom. So i wrote to W and Elsie instead, joking that my Mom was not very subtle, "I feel guilty, but i don't wanna move back." We'd had this discussion before. I cannot imagine living there. Especially not around my Mom. I'm sorry.

Elsie's response included, "I wish I had spent more time with my Mom." Her Mom passed away several years ago.

Oh, great, more guilt. I don't need this.

W chimed in, "They're aging, and I worry about the fact that they won't have someone around in their time of need."

Well, if you're so worried, why don't you move? Cos you're married with children, and have an important job, whereas i'm single, unattached, and rootless, so my wants don't count??!

I graduated from college in 1995. In 2006, i graduated from college again. The degree is no better. I'm virtually making the same money ten years ago as now, inflation-adjusted.

If this thought alone doesn't depress me, i don't know what does.