Dear Diary

For two years now, dating means not having to be alone on Friday night. Newsflash: Not necessarily.

For three weeks now, there've been moments when i've felt resentful toward York II because i can't drink to my heart's content around him. Not since that second date.

There's this dive bar JD and i used to go to once in a while. There i discovered this drink with Midori, vodka and pineapple juice. After weeks of wine lately, it's nice to get a taste of hard liquor again (especially nice on an empty stomach!) It might just become my comfort drink.

I'm working tomorrow, after having put in overtime all week already. York II is working on Sunday. Tonight he has a rotary club type thing with his students. Then he might actually drive out to the city to see his best friend Roland*, whom he hasn't seen since we hooked up.

Whatever happened to taking me with him to introduce me to Roland, like he said two weeks ago?!!!

I guess he realizes he has a life outside of me. Hello, abandonment issues!

Once again, as if i'm nobody unless i'm someone's girl. *sigh*

I could distract myself by going over to see my brother and nephew, but the prospect of working tomorrow with my very difficult district supervisor is putting a damper on any desire to socialize (excuses, excuses.)

And so i stay home and drink instead.

Both my one-on-one therapist and group session therapist say that, to find out who i really am, i need to try different activities to discern what i like and dislike. Then i won't repeat over and over the pattern of revolving around the guy i happen to be with.

What i like is having a guy to talk to while getting drunk. Can't see past that for now. Not gonna happen, and not very healthy, i see. Meanwhile, October is just around the corner, and what am i gonna do with those Chicago tickets??!!! (*Panic*)

(The name on everybody's lips is gonna be... Roxie!)

York II doesn't like musicals. (What?!) He prefers opera. : ( (Figaro Figaro Figaro...)

I'm about 30 pages from finishing John Irving's The Water Method Man, which i borrowed from JD. I'm sure he's not missing it, but i'd like to finish it before the end of the month so i can mail it back to him, in case he really moves like he said. Aarrgghhhhh!!!... It's, like, a week from the end of the month!

Is there a point, or theme, to this entry, you wonder? I'm afraid not.


*Not his real name