By Yours Truly 20

Balsamic Rosemary Pork Roast, recipe from Derek I, my official culinary consultant, a title he gleefully accepted.

Snippet 64

Riley:
[on our veteran electric sharpener held together by duct tape]
If I shove my pencil too far in, it turns off!

V:
Like a woman!

Chase 2

After work i went back for a follow-up on my work-related injury.

Apparently i wasn't thinking when i got dressed this morning. I picked a knee-grazing dress.

The doc asked me to stand up and turn around so he could feel my lower back and gluts for the source of pain.

"Are you wearing underwear?" The doc blurted out of the blue.

"Yeah.." I laughed nervously. Turned hysterical as i continued, "But it's a thong..."

"I need to look at it," stated the doc.

I almost burst out laughing even though i knew he meant the source of pain...

So he basically asked for permission to lift my dress and I was like a hesitent "Sure!" and he proceeded to tuck the hem of my dress in the traverse strap of my bra which was just outrageously hilarious.

Apparently my piriformis was entirely inflamed.

I wondered what the doc thought of my pink satin lace-trimmed undies encasing my bony ass. Probably meant squat.

Meaning squat is certainly something i can relate to!

Miraculous

The throat pain from Friday escalated so that i made an appointment to go in Kaiser today. On a Sunday. Which would seriously cut into cooking time. And henceforth drinking time. It's that serious.

I can't even swallow saliva without grimacing majorly. It's like rubbing sea salt on an open wound!

"I'm gonna say nasal pharyngitis," announced the good doctor. Well, genius. I told her i'd been having postnasal drip for months.

Then she felt right beneath my jawline. I was like oww oww oww...

"Your tonsils are slightly inflamed," added the good doctor.

So... if we may recap: pharyngitis and tonsilitis. But that's a guess? Where's my diagnosis?!

I needed a strep culture analysis. "I'm gonna order it," the doctor said. "The lab won't just take it."

I can just picture myself handing reception my swab and feeling utterly rejected... But it's deep throat spit!!!

She ordered:

1. Gargling with salt water or Listerine
2. Lots of fluids: chicken soup, Gatorade... I asked, "How about water?" Water is okay.

And no meds.

Thank you! That was way worth my thirty bucks!!

I faxed in sick tonight with a full explanation. The world is too ridiculous to go in to work sometimes...

By Yours Truly 19

Another first. Classics are not as easy as they may seem!

The beef looks seared here. That's a redeeming quality. I guess it tastes decent too. Again, i can better tell you tomorrow.

What I Learned Today 5

My guess was it doesn't stand for "Fresh Off the Boat". I had to ask.

Fecal Occult Blood (Test). Coolness!!! Who knew?

Raunch 2

Is it me or do you also see a woman on her back doing the spread eagle in ecstasy?

Quasimoto Tamago

In stark contrast to what tamago is supposed to look like, this resembles lungs that have been smoking for years!

Signs Are Everywhere If You Look 4

Place mat drying on dish rack

Raunch

Yesterday i was listening to "Beautiful Soul" by Jesse McCartney:

You're the one i wanna chase

And i thought i heard:

You're the one i wanna taste

Shows you where my mind is...

Chase

On Monday i was given a muscle relaxer and a painkiller for a work-related injury. It's called "sitting on my ass all day".

"Will the medication irritate my stomach?" I asked the good doctor.

"Not if you take it with milk or food," replied the doctor.

So the answer is yes.

Bordeaux

You can't tell, but i'm having a portobello Swiss burger...


Courtesy Denisse

Quote 128

She spins and she sways
To whatever song plays
Without a care in the world

And i'm sitting here
Wearing the weight of the world
on my shoulders

- "Cinderella", This Moment, Steven Curtis Chapman

What Ails Ya Today?

Shortly after lunch today, my throat started to feel raw. It hurt to swallow.

After a bathroom trip, i informed Denisse:

I think i have a UTI...

Denisse's response was to the effect of "a sore throat is not a symptom of UTI; painful urination is."

I LOL'd, "I think i recognize the sensation!"

And You May Quote Me 31

When i resign from a dating site i conclude it's caused me nothing but heartache.

I should unsubcribe to me, as i have caused nothing but heartache.

No Caption Necessary... Almost 14

God i hope so!!!!!

Life Lesson

... I shall remember well.

Quote 127

由於心死
才會不說話

- "第二最愛"，古巨基

Snippet 63

V:
Ooh my side hurts... What did i do?... I'm pretty sure i didn't have sex! [Laughs]

Denisse:
Do your sides hurt after sex?

V:
My abs do sometimes. That's when i know i've had a strenuous session.

Friend I Made Today

Her name is Pepper*.

*You decide whether it's her real name. : )

No Caption Necessary... Almost 13

Damn straight!

Racy

Last time i met with Taylor @ his favorite hangout, he happily reported, "That guy just totally eye-fucked you!"

I cracked up.

Last night i dressed to be eye-fucked. And i was, on several occasions.

When i showed up at Denisse's door, her expression was priceless.

"This outfit is for the ex," i said.

"This makes me feel like i should change," said Denisse. "But i don't feel like being naked."

Russel laughed a heartfelt one. I'm sure Denisse's nakedness is a merry thought to Russel.

That's right...

If you can't get loved, get laid.

If you can't get laid, at least get eye-fucked.

Yellow Heart

Keepsake

This week i got asked twice, "How's someone so sweet still single?"

Once by Neil* who brought me this:



And two nights later by Russel*, Denisse's bf whom she has yet to call her bf.

(Beef frank? Why, yes!)

Last night, after some merry bar time in heels, my feet were killing me. Just as the three of us were about to cross uneven terrain to get to the car, Russel said to me:

Here, take my hand. So you don't fall flat on your face.

In hindsight that was funny utterance. But the moment was childlike. Again i felt like i was in kindergarten. And i had just made a friend.

And i took his hand.


*Not his real name

Reasons To Keep Breathin'... 4

Quote 126

I've been waiting for the radio
to play me
something that won't
make me
Think of you

- "Nikole", Big Drop, George Stanford

Cause of Insomnia

... My brain is LOUD!!!

Inquisitive 2

This morning i thought i'd found the answer to the age-old question i posed: it's the oil content!

Alas, that can't be it. It's the same batch!

Unless the batch is not homogenized...

Quote 125

Other things have found me
Darker things have come my way

- "There Is a Time", Holly Conlan

Palettes

On my way to the mailbox i came across a lady i've run into and said hi to. I remember her. Her smile was sincere. Sincerity can seem rare in life. She was walking her bike back to her apartment again. She'd greet her dog even before closing the door behind her with "How's my baby?" So cute.

Today i naturally took the initiative to greet her. Once again she was warm. Then she asked innocently, "Do you live around here?"

Which i found odd. I was in the building. Again. I couldn't just be passing through.

I informed her i lived just down the hall.

She lowered her voice, "Do you smell something weird sometimes?"

Well, i have walked down the hallway and been convinced someone hasn't bathed in days... So, affirmative.

"That's why i am moving," she said next.

"What does it smell like?" I inquired.

"Battery acid," she replied. "I swear it's poisoning me. It's coming out of my pores!"

Then she offered me her wrist to sniff.

The moment was weird on so many levels!

I hesitated for a millisecond. Then i thought, "Eh! It's only poison!"

Plus if it had been traveling through the vents like she suggested, I would've been exposed already.

I didn't detect any odor.

"My nose is not entirely functioning," I explained. "Due to allergies."

Later i pondered how classically comical it would've been had i, upon taking a whiff, dropped dead right then and there.

Snippet 62

Matt:
I live by a new motto now: OHIO - Only Handle It Once.

V:
So... If at first you don't succeed, don't try again?

Vignette 11

Yesterday Rob informed me that he'd be serving breakfast at a sale event at another location.

"You're gonna come back to your store smelling like bacon!" I exclaimed. "Everyone will be drooling over you!"

Rob cackled, "I'm used to that!"

Inquisitive

How is it that some shit float while other pieces sink?

Is it the porousness? Or determined by aeration?

蚵仔煎

My version of the Taiwanese oyster omelette.

Gotta luv the scent of fried whisked eggs...

Reminds me of when i baked with my Mom as a kid...


Typically i didn't find the pix all too appealing after all that was said and done, but i thought i'd have blind faith and post anyway.

Blind faith... Something that's too much to ask for, and all that one could hope for, again.

All In a Day's Work 22

Riley is growing disgruntled.

Around 11:30 a.m. today he popped in to announce, "I think i'm gonna have an aneurism for lunch."

I laughed. "Sounds yummy!" I responded.

Later in the afternoon i checked in on Riley, "How was the aneurism? Everything you were hoping for?"

Riley raised his plastic soda cup promoting some movie and replied, "It went down smoothly with my Taco Bell."

Sharing is Gooood...

WAKE n' BACON


*Courtesy Denisse

Vignette 10

Denisse has a hair appointment next Saturday in the city and she's invited me to tag along.

Her hair stylist sounds like an intriguing person and i've been curious.

"We can do something fun after!" Says Denisse.

And we up the ante on the temptation front with free wine and munchies @ this place of business. Always!

"So you comin'?" Asked Denisse again today. I had totally forgotten it was next weekend.

"What time is your appointment again?" I asked.

"5:30," replied Denisse.

"So we'll probably take off before 4:30?"

"Yeah," said Denisse. "Not sure about traffic."

I was inclined. "If i can stay sober until then," i told Denisse. And chuckled.

"You don't hafta stay sober!" Cried Denisse. "You're not driving!"

And you wonder why i love this girl : )

Quote 124

We all figure it out at different paces.

- Denisse

And You May Quote Me 30

I don't know where i end and insanity begins.

Lemon Herb Chicken

With basil and thyme.


And I zested very well.

Red

I love my potatoes when i can gouge their eyes out : )

And You May Quote Me 29

It's a small window

between

Reaching out

And

feeling

Unworthy
Insignificant
Inconsequential

One of the Saddest Things On Earth

You type LOL. But you're not laughing at all.

You're not even smiling. Not remotely.

Committed

I'm clad in all white today. Very appropriate for one who feels like a mental patient.

Mercy

Please
Remove
the
Pain
Ingrained
in my
brain

Quote 123

Is my soul hung out to dry?

I think my fear of intimacy
has shaped the time we spent

And it's not her
It's just the way she moves you

She kisses harder than me

What could you possibly like in me?

... the empty shell of me

- "Your Glasses", White Turns Blue, Maria Mena

Snippet 61

Roar:
[Pointing at my pale canary twinset]
That's like the exact shade of the [prototype] i just made!

V:
[Looking down]
It is! I just saw!

Roar:
I have a dress shirt in that color. I haven't worn it in years. Haven't been to a wedding... Or to church.

V:
Church!

R:
My parents go to church.

V:
You are going to hell!

R:
(chuckles)
I'll see you there!

V:
(chuckles too)
I'm sure you will!
(boisterous laugh)

All In a Day's Work 21

Most days i clock in at work at 7:25 a.m.

This morning, 7:24 a.m. I sat in the dark at my desk, glaring at the screen, waiting for the digital clock to click over.

In walked Riley with a blazing "Good morning!"

I glanced up, semi-squinting at the light behind him, weakly smiled and reciprocated the greeting.

"You look tired!" Exclaimed Riley.

I've said so before and i'll say it again: "You look tired!" is just euphemism for "You look shitty!"

Thanks, Riley.

"Tired of work," i replied.

"We're all tired of work," said Riley.

"How long have you been working?" I challenged the dude who's practically half my age. "Let's compare résumés."

"Since the dawn of time," responded Riley. Then with an evil grin he continued, "You tired from drinking? Par-tay too hard? Yeah? Yeah? You drink last night?"

"When don't i drink?" Asked I, feeling even more tired than when we started the conversation.

It's 7:24 in the morning. I haven't clocked in. I haven't had my coffee. I'm wearing my hair in a ponytail as i consistently have been in recent past since i couldn't care less about attractiveness. I'm sitting in the dark, all clad in black. Seriously? Even if you didn't know i'm not a morning person, that doesn't scream "Back off!!!" to ya?

Displacement 4

As told to Denisse this evening, my curry kicks ass!

I've said time and again i always appreciate my food much better the day after.

I also told her i wished i'd added squids.

"Been wanting to work with squids," i wrote.

Then i pictured myself introducing myself to a squid, extending my hand to shake a tentacle.

"Hi!" I'd say. "Very nice to meet ya. I'm so excited to be working with you!"

And he'd stare at me like this:

Yeah... i worry about me too. Someone needs friends! Not to slight cephalopods in any way...

Side note: Now i understand why certain folks won't eat anything with eyes...

Side note two: A couple of years ago, during a trip to IKEA with my bro and his, i picked up a stuffed animal in the kidz section that resembled an octopus, only to count five legs.

"Look!" I held it up to show W. "A pantopus!"

He laughed so hard he almost snorted.

Nerds of the universe unite!!!

Gutter

Seen in a public bathroom stall today:

Who would've expected such a positive message in such a disdained setting? I felt that God Herself had reached down and tapped me on the [left] shoulder.

Spreading love... What a great idea. Certainly beats, say, spreading diseases.

A close second would be...

Spreading...

legs.

Scrambled 2

Every time i walk by Donald J Pliner i read "Pilsner".

And i'm not even into beer.

An alcoholic respects all elixirs universally, apparently.

Correction 2

I take it back.

The best compliment from an ex is:

You smell like the ocean.

By Yours Truly 18

Curry is the specialty i haven't made in a while.

Kept going back and forth as to whether i should cook this weekend. Saturday afternoon rolls around. Everyone i know seems to be doing something productive.

Loneliness hits. Boredom hits. Sometimes i can't tell which is which.

I must produce! (And it is not gonna be an heir!) For if i don't, my existence means nothing!

Threw in a couple of new ingredients just to variate.

Getting the timing right still stresses me out. With nine ingredients it gets tricky. Hey, i'm just an amateur...

But sometimes i want it all. Even if i cook it all to death. Probably symbolic and parallel to life somehow.

Even after reluctant sampling (and i love curry!) i'm left with six quarts! I am fucked!

That's what you get for wanting it all...

My apartment smells like curry. I smell like curry. Yum! : )


And playing "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen and "Goodbye Girl" by David Gates during the creation process probably says something about me. I'm not gonna venture.