They're light, they're good for you, they're loaded with flavor. But fuck all that! They're @ zero gram of fat per serving! ZERO! I don't think i've ever encountered a cracker that can boast that! (Not counting Asian rice crackers.)I'm still a fat gram counter as opposed to your calorie counterpart. You watch your fat intake, caloric consumption limitation will automatically ensue. Effortless.
Call me over-vigilant, but i have gained 6 lb. stressing weeks before the 'rents' visit (approximately within a month). Now that they've arrived, quality time with the fam a.k.a. senseless pigging out is inevitable.
People are always amazed by how flexible my stomach is. When i let myself go i can really go at it. Trust me, it's in the blood. I've declared time and again: i totally have the potential to go up to 200 lb. Easy. It's just a matter of reining myself in or not. Self-discipline is not a given.
People tend to assume because i'm relatively slender right now that i must be in good shape, or that it must come naturally and/or from good habits. People are STUPID. Having a low BMI is work. Work i don't really care for. At times even resent. Thin does not equal healthy. Not by any means. Physically or mentally.
My food issues have been prevalent for so long i don't doubt they'll never go away. And people with their remarks and notions certainly don't help.
Today Rob came to visit. One of the first things that came out of his mouth was:
You've gained some weight!
I rolled my eyes, incredulous. Umph! "No woman wants to hear that!" I exclaimed.
"I mean it in a good way!" Said Rob in his defense.
No matter. Guys can be so clueless. Anorexics don't want to know when they're putting on weight even when, despite their neurosis, they know they need to ingest more in order not to waste away and perish. Knowing and feeling are two different things.
I'm not dying. Yet. But my neurosis runs deep just the same.
And he'd totally checked me out, running his eyes down my bod to the tummy. Not even subtle. Ouch! And... Gross!
That is totally tactless AND pointless. Someone who's been putting on weight usually knows. There's no need to inform him or her. You'll just be rubbing it in. And if they're oblivious, why not leave them in their bliss??
As a matter of fact Rob had gained substantial weight since i'd last laid eyes on him. But did i utter one word in observation? NO!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. An extra gram today, another tomorrow... And people wonder why i obsess?
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