Quote 190

Slow down, slow down, slow down...

Where are you going?

Can't you see it's not a race?

- "The Race", Goldtop Heights, Tim Brantley

The Ridiculous World of Online Dating

I've noticed that all the white boys who wanna date Asian chicks strategically post photos that serve as evidence they're into Asian culture (not that there is ONE.)

Whereas Asian chicks who dig white dudes don't have to do a thing - we live here, don't we?

Thousand-Year-Old Egg

A favorite since childhood:

It's like in it you can see the universe!

Beautiful specks and layers

Even the shadows it casts are beautiful

Served with a side of soy and oil (in this case, sesame and chili), and voilà! You've got yourself a cold appetizer! Traditionally served with chilled tofu and spring onion garnish. But for breakfast this morning i was more than satisfied with my tried-and-true comfort food sans the congee.

Can't Twitter Or Facebook 2

Have a mini family reunion today.

May i not go? I don't feel like pretending to be happy.

Broccolini 2

Steamed veggies = Bland?

Never!

My new version, "The Firecracker", has a kick to it. To say the least.

This is how you get kids to eat vegetables. If your kids are anything like my nephews, they'll rise up to the occasion and take the heat challenge. I don't know if they'll dying to imitate grown-ups or if they thirst for validation. They'll turn red in the face and tear up in agony before they give up and gulp down iced water. It's phenomenal!

Even nowadays when my Dad glances over to catch me loading up on chili sauce at dim sum or Chaozhou (潮州) lunch, and casually gives me that nod of approval, i feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Took me years to earn that. The black sheep wimp no more!

Must be a genetic disease.

A "Friendly" Reminder/Slap In the Face

Discovered these 34° crispbread crackers. My favorite variety: cracked pepper:

They're light, they're good for you, they're loaded with flavor. But fuck all that! They're @ zero gram of fat per serving! ZERO! I don't think i've ever encountered a cracker that can boast that! (Not counting Asian rice crackers.)

I'm still a fat gram counter as opposed to your calorie counterpart. You watch your fat intake, caloric consumption limitation will automatically ensue. Effortless.

Call me over-vigilant, but i have gained 6 lb. stressing weeks before the 'rents' visit (approximately within a month). Now that they've arrived, quality time with the fam a.k.a. senseless pigging out is inevitable.

People are always amazed by how flexible my stomach is. When i let myself go i can really go at it. Trust me, it's in the blood. I've declared time and again: i totally have the potential to go up to 200 lb. Easy. It's just a matter of reining myself in or not. Self-discipline is not a given.

People tend to assume because i'm relatively slender right now that i must be in good shape, or that it must come naturally and/or from good habits. People are STUPID. Having a low BMI is work. Work i don't really care for. At times even resent. Thin does not equal healthy. Not by any means. Physically or mentally.

My food issues have been prevalent for so long i don't doubt they'll never go away. And people with their remarks and notions certainly don't help.

Today Rob came to visit. One of the first things that came out of his mouth was:

You've gained some weight!

I rolled my eyes, incredulous. Umph! "No woman wants to hear that!" I exclaimed.

"I mean it in a good way!" Said Rob in his defense.

No matter. Guys can be so clueless. Anorexics don't want to know when they're putting on weight even when, despite their neurosis, they know they need to ingest more in order not to waste away and perish. Knowing and feeling are two different things.

I'm not dying. Yet. But my neurosis runs deep just the same.

And he'd totally checked me out, running his eyes down my bod to the tummy. Not even subtle. Ouch! And... Gross!

That is totally tactless AND pointless. Someone who's been putting on weight usually knows. There's no need to inform him or her. You'll just be rubbing it in. And if they're oblivious, why not leave them in their bliss??

As a matter of fact Rob had gained substantial weight since i'd last laid eyes on him. But did i utter one word in observation? NO!

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. An extra gram today, another tomorrow... And people wonder why i obsess?

Slung

It's an age-old practice and a desperate measure, when a recording artist hasn't produced in a while, the label scoops up previous tracks that never made it into an album, packages it nicely and presents the industry with a "new" salable item.

A collection of, essentially, rejects.

Used to be such a body of works would be tritely entitled "B-sides". Bic Runga's release in September 2008 in her native Southern Hemisphere was cutely dubbed "B-sides and Rarities".

(Don't get me wrong. I love Bic. She's on my short list of favorite musicians of all time because i have unmistakably superb taste.)

By the time the album was available for purchase on iTunes it had been renamed "Rare and Unreleased".

Umm, is that license to be uncreative?

Who are they trying to fool, anyway? The public is aware of the nature of the goods.

Given, the goods can be plenty good. Case in point: Damien Rice's B-Sides, 2004. The man is a genius. His talent is freakish.

If i've walked away with one precious piece of advice from art school, it is:

You are only as good as the worst piece in your portfolio.

So be careful what you add in your discography. Unless you're one of the chosen few blessed to get away with it. One, perhaps, from my short list of god-awesome muses of all time.

Vignette 21

At the beach, OC spots a sand structure molded with a simple plastic pail.

"Castle!" OC proclaims in ultimate delight.

Upon which he nears it and stomps on the mound in a heartbeat of full vengeance, obliterating it.

Humans delight in destruction. This is how hearts get broken.

Is this news? This is how the male specie works.

W does a parallel skit:

Baby! [Stomp]

Snippet 118

AC:
[holding Elsie's elbow up to his nose, burying his face in it and breathing in deeply]
Mama, your arm smells good!

Elsie:
(Delighted)
Yeah?

AC:
Yeah! It smells like fish!

Logan

Marinated Mozzarella

... in olive oil and vinegar with parsley flakes and red bell pepper bits. Interesting.

Very tempted to venture deeper in the world of cheese but i already have 3 kinds sitting in the fridge. Would be 4 if 1 didn't turn moldy recently.

Next in line then! : P

Pariah

I have cobwebs around the house not due to laziness but sheer ignorance.

I am 38 years old and i don't know how to clean cobwebs.

I believe i have asked for advice and was told to "take a stick and whirl around them like cotton candy". Sounds lovely.

Only i don't have a stick. Who keeps a big stick around the house?!

Except maybe Theodore Roosevelt when he was alive. (Ha, ha.)

Succulence

Vignette 20

This morning Elsie, reviewing AC's folderful of homework, sighed, "AC being back to school is basically me back to school."

AC is in kindergarten.

Oh, wow, i couldn't help but observe AC colored inside the lines. Consistently. (I wonder if with coercion.) Unlike me (who was criticized - one of my first memories of being misunderstood [and slighted for being myself]).

I told Elsie:

I see stuff like this and i hope there is no reincarnation.
I hope death is the end.

You Know You Have Issues When... 4

... the first scene of Finding Nemo [where Nemo's Dad, after having just lost his spouse and dozens of children, finds Nemo (as an egg), cradles him in his fins and promises him he'll protect him and he'll never be hurt] makes you want to cry.

Retiring in 27 Years = Close Enough

This woman is a senior single?!

Damn! I should go pose in senior dating site ads. There, career change problem solved!


Photo courtesy SeniorPeopleMeet

Epiphany 15

I hide behind food
when i have
nothing real to say.

Shrimp Fiesta

Baja Fresh's new fire-grilled additions look so scrumptious, i had to plug:

Lunchables

Another first!

Genius!

So cute!

Day After Hearing Duet with Poo and God

For once i posted because it was a fact and worth mentioning and i didn't care if it made for a fun read.

Is that progress? Or a slip? I can't decide.

Summation

Spliit the BPD Lifestyle Blog has linked me to its site and i have reciprocated.

Again, i'm not sure how exemplar my blog is of someone living with BPD. Plus low self-esteem says what i have to say doesn't matter. Not making a difference. Does anyone read and care?

I feel honored just the same for being recognized, acknowledged, validated... for anything. Anything at all.

Quote 189

Precious:
Nobody loves me.

Ms. Rain:
Your baby loves you. I love you.

- Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire

Korean Eggy Thingys

Yep, i do believe that's the official term.

Quote 188

There's a reason for the world:
you and i.

- "The Riddle", Two Lights, Five For Fighting

My Universal Question 3

(Now that i've seen Doggy Poo)

Who can i be fertilizer to?

Stanza

Merry Lore plays this carousel via satellite for uniformity across stores which unfortunately includes some really depressing songs at times.

"It's a conspiracy to inspire the employees to commit mass suicide," i've told Kato.

I would love to have that job: picking music for Merry Lore. My selection would rock!!!

Alas we are stuck with some mediocre tunes most of the time. And as i have mentioned before, the collection is eccentric. That's euphemism for "makes no sense". Nothing goes with anything. It's totally random. I often go, "Huh?" Like one minute it's "Maneater" by Hall & Oates and the next it's "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. Serious?!

To make matters worse, the music is interspersed with adverisement. An abrupt pause mid-song, then a brief sentence or two here and there. It drives me nuts!!! I can't believe it doesn't bother our customers. If i were a shopper i'd probably be like WTF?

The advertisement repeats so much, it's subconsciously ingrained in my head. One example:

Merry Lore means expertise!

The other day, early in the morning, i was still settling in. And this i heard:

Merry Lore means extra cheese!

And for a moment i wasn't sure what to make of it.

Yeah, it's time to leave.

Lunch with Denisse Today 10

Catfish fajitas!! : D On a surprise bed with zucchini catching fish drip. Mmm!

Tomato Basil Frittata Strata

Been so long, my spatula was literally dusty!

I call it "strata" because some cross-sections turned out reminescent of tamago! Trippy!

Domesticity

Every time i have to clean my sink/toilet/tub

i scream in my head,
"But i just cleaned [insert number] weeks ago!!!"

My Favorite Herbs

Cilantro
Basil
Parsley
Dill

In that order.

And You May Quote Me 54

There's miso in misogyny.

As Told To Denisse 13

I looked up what kind of cheese goes on French onion soup. The answer is Gruyère. How sad is that.

As Tweeted 7

I think it's time to watch Fried Green Tomatoes again.

Quote 187

I'll tell you a secret. The gods envy us. Because we're mortal. Any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed.
You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.

- Archilles, Troy


Disclaimer: abridged

Look, Ma, I'm Eating Fruit Again!

Superfruit = mango + passion fruit

Melon trio

Gigantor

what Denisse called this cake-size egg custard tart (conventionally 1" - 2" in diameter):

She also urged, "Quick! Before they yell at you!"

Snippet 117

V:
I feel like i haven't really done the movie thing this summer.

Denisse:
You've seen quite a few!

V:
No blockbuster though. Nothing like MIB or Independence Day like back in the day. I guess i'm saying it's not summer unless i've seen men blow things up!

As Told To Denisse 12

(on our sunburn)
It's like grilling without brushing with oil first!

Snippet 116

V:
Was almost running late this morning because i decided to scrub the toilet.

Denisse:
What compelled you to clean?

V:
Mildew did.

My Toothbrush Vibrates!

How the Texans Do It

Dinner with the fam tonight. Everything was HUGE! Every bite was a little heart attack.

Appetizer Sampler

Oaxacan Sea Bass with fried sweet potato

Roasted Tri Tip with red skin mashed potatoes

The Motherlode Sandwich, touted to be 8" high

Chocolate Motherload Cake

See the theme here?

Apple on Mac & Cheese With a Side of Caramel

OC's dinner

Zero Is Good

Yes, it is.

My New Wastebasket & OC's Watering Can

for the second bathroom in my new condo (which i don't officially own yet)

Another good find @ Daiso. "OC likes to water plants," says Elsie.

I was sad upon learning Elsie is holding on to it till a special occasion. Right now the plastic friend sits high on the kitchen island where OC can't see.

I know people buy presents ahead of time when they run into good buys. I've never been good at that. When i buy a gift i need to send it rapidly on its merry way to the recipient. Life's too short. Who needs to wait? Everyday is a good occasion.

2,009 Posts

2,009 posts in 2009.

Probably insignificant. But i was afraid i'd kick myself if i didn't document this stage.

Kicking Myself

Every now and then i'll opt not to photograph a subject and regret it later. We're talkin' major rumination and remorse.

It only takes a moment.

Yesterday was one of those times. I was exhausted and just wished the continue our peregrination to return to the car. Besides Denisse didn't appear to want to stop. And i'm underentitled that way.

Came across Crested Euphorbia. Only one letter from "euphoria". That's easy enough.

Here's an example from Cactus Art:

It was not exactly what i saw. This is lovely, but mine would be more suited with the alias "Frilled Fan". It was paler, more fanned out like a fluid panel, fuschia fringed with random spiky knobs. Understated and a captivating vision. Move to love in the world of succulents.

I also encounted the Pitcher Plant which i hadn't seen since childhood in the wild. (My childhood wasn't in the wild; the plant was.) On a hike, my family came across a whole bunch creekside. My Dad the nature nut was thrilled. Explaining to us how it worked, he captured an ant and fed it to the gaping plant. It was brutal. Can you imagine being digested alive?!

I was strangely aroused. I'm sure the phallic shape had nothing to do with it.

An example from Pet Fly Trap:


Since then carnivorous plants have been fascinating to me. It seems to me the food chain in reverse.

So there you have it. I enjoy vegetation the equivalent of camels as well as the varieties that bite back. Must be some self-manifestation.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

I want meatballs!

I dig this jello shot LOL

How I Feel At Times 7

Photo courtesy The Lovely Bones

Langostino Tails

The Life

Guava mimosa with Le Rêve, Domaine Carneros by Taittinger

One lucky dog...

Rolling fog

A boat named Pizza + a hammock = What more to ask?!

Arctic ice.

Not really. It's my Cuervo Margarita : )

Snippet 115

V:
Is it wrong that the world seems a much nicer place after i've had a drink?

Denisse:
No, that's normal.

Quote 186

The simpler we make our lives, the more abundant they become.
There is no scarcity, except in our souls.

- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Quote 185

No more candlelight
No more romance
No more small talk

- "I Eat Dinner", Rufus Wainwright featuring Dido

2,000 Posts

This probably calls for a celebration.

It only took a little over 3.5 years.

Even though, mathematically and existentially, even numbers probably are not any more celebratory than any other number. Or anything else in the world, for that matter.

On Consciousness

Hey, hey! No need to hit it over the head over and over
when
it's
already dead.

Slip 2

I almost typed "paralyzing" in place of "paraphrasing".

Freudian? Yes.

Quote 184

I'd pick you every day of the week, and twice on Sunday.

- Lt. Sam Weinburg, A Few Good Men


Disclaimer: I may be paraphrasing

Commentary: It's funny what haunts us

Despondent Excrement

A Korean animated film featuring a mound of canine feces on a quest to find meaning and purpose in life. Feelings of abandonment and worthlessness drag on until a dandelion sprout comes along one day...

Where is my dandelion sprout?