Absence

As i sat at my computer like i have many nights before, sipping grape juice (no, that is not euphemism. It really is just grape juice), i felt sad again i don’t hear from Taylor any more.

Taylor once said there are always reasons to be sad if we look for them. But i honestly feel reasons come and find me.

Just a couple of weeks ago Taylor still wanted to see me, with an offering of wine. Not just any wine, “a strange bottle o’ wine”, followed by a smiley.

And then no more texting... no more IM-ing. He is nowhere in my realm. On his myspace page he still has up the status “Taylor Completely and totally lost.” Well, he certainly is that to me.

I’ll be honest about my selfishness. I miss the attention. Plain and simple. Even though i didn’t think the attention would last, i was ill-prepared for the abrupt cessation.

Last time i heard from Taylor, he’d “been having some drama”. I didn’t want to know, as to me “drama” usually means “girl trouble”. And obviously i am not that girl.

I haven’t been that girl in a while.

Tonight i find myself wondering: If someone doesn’t initiate contact any more, isn’t it safe to bet they want to be left alone?

Taylor wants to be left alone. By me. And so leave him alone i shall.

And this thought leaves me very – have i mentioned? – sad.