Shakira and Alanis

There's seldom such a thing as an original thought.

When we hurt, we think nobody else in the world (or in history) has hurt as bad. Guess what, we share many human experiences even when we think we're all alone.

Perhaps our ego needs to believe our experience is unique and never repeated.

I've been listening to Shakira's Oral Fixation, Vol. 2 lately. I loved her voice and rendition even before she went Anglo (that's right, i'm talking Donde Estan Los Ladrones?). There's something raw about her. And boy, is she hot.

Anyway, not surprisingly, track #2, "Illegal" really grabs me.

You said you would love me until you die
But as far as i know you're still alive

I was surprised to be reminded of "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette.

Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
until you die
But you're still alive

Hmm... A universal theme to wish someone ill if they didn't love you. Interesting.

I tell ya. Human emotions sure are complex. As you might suspect, "You Oughta Know" has been one of my favorites, since before i had a reason to relate to it.

I remember hearing "And every time i scratch my nails down someone else's back i hope you feel it. Why can't you feel it?" and thinking, how romantic!

Strangely, all lyrics i've admired, somewhere down the road, i've been able to live. Be careful what you wish for, i guess.

BTW, after i typed in the title to this piece, i read it and thought, Shakira and Alanis... That would be hot!

Quote 14

You and I never shared all that much
When i leave i'll be alright
I'll keep in touch

- "Great Provider", Maybe You Should Drive, Barenaked Ladies

I'm Tired of Thinking Up a Title, So Bite Me

I'm listening to "Intermittently" by Barenaked Ladies now. Couldn't bear it if i wasn't drunk.

Earlier this evening, a scene in Seinfeld cracked me up. Well, kind of.

Kramer wants to move to Miami, Florida. I don't know what the arrangement is, but he seems to be in Seinfeld's parents' apartment a lot.

Disclaimer: i'm not a big fan of Seinfeld, even though i do appreciate the writers' sense of humor most of the time.

Anyway, when Kramer tells Jerry he wants to stay in Florida, Jerry goes:

"You can't live here! This is where people come to die!"

His parents gawk, of course.

OMG, precious.

No one puts "intermittently" and "proxy" in their lyrics, JD used to say.

Revelation 16

Murphy's law. Just when i think JD is never gonna read this blog again, he does. And of course, right after i blog about having sex with someone else.

JD probably doesn't give a hoot.

This is odd. Even before i came home and read my visitor log, i was already feeling a strange wave of sadness coming on. Something quite familiar, of course.

Yesterday i went to my last CBT group session. (See my last post on CBT.) The therapist handed out relapse prevention literature to those who weren't continuing (it was a four-week thing, but you could move on to other CBT groups.)

Even though i had learned a lot about "mood management" during the past 5 weeks (we skipped a week) and i was feeling pretty good about myself in general yesterday, i knew better than to believe depression would never hit again.

Pulling yourself out of an attack can be draining. Sometimes you don't even know what sets it off (probably nothing you can pinpoint), and it's just easier to let it ride than to fight it.

I've been thinking all week that i should stopping seeing York II. The more we talk, the more i feel he just doesn't get me. And that's kinda the cornerstone of everything.

It makes me miss the fact that JD gets me. I hate to admit it.

And i'm not saying this because JD might read my blog again.

This bugs me, cos York II is nice to me. He's a good person. Highly intelligent, almost in an annoying way. And good in bed. You would think a girl couldn't ask for more.

All of a sudden i understand how JD feels about me. You take things apart and you'll think the whole should be pretty damned perfect. But it's... just... not.

Feelings. What a bitch.

York II

I feel bad i haven't posted anything for a while. There's so much i wanna say, i don't know where to begin.

My ex Creative Writing professor Kate AND writer Natalie Goldman would say, "Just start writing and let it flow."

JD doesn't read my blog any more. Which liberates me from having to refrain from candor, i guess.

There's York II now. What were the chances I would meet two Yorks*, both from Charleston**?

So yeah, York II is the guy who's Buddhist and very into tea. (See my last post on him.) When I wrote that, i was hurt because he had just informed me he wanted to see other people. But turned out he just didn't wanna be boxed in. And truth be told, i'm not ready to be someone's girlfriend. That's so definitive and so much responsibility right now! And... you can't really define someone with their religion and choice of beverage. People are complex, you know?

I feel kinda ambivalent about him, and the whole dating experience, since I haven't done a lot of dating in my lifetime. It's sort of traumatic for me.

For one thing, it's been really physical. And in my experience, carnal pleasures cloud judgment. One readily mistakes lust for deep feelings. It's a very common mistake, for both sexes.

And he seems to be on such a higher plane, spiritually speaking. I can't possibly play catch-up.

And we don't have a lot in common, it seems.

Elsie my sis-in-law chimes in, "Two people don't need a ton of common interests to make things work." And my good friend JM just emailed me with her verdict all the way from Minnesota: She agrees with Elsie.

Really? I never thought of it that way.

Did you know that a woman seeks a girlfriend's advice only when she needs them to give her a go? Otherwise she turns a deaf ear. I've learned this to be true.

The other night, while sitting on York II's john, I was sure that, if someone was to run a rape kit on me, they'd find vaginal contusions and cervical brusing. (Yes, i've watched too many Law & Order episodes! Hee hee...) i bear down and release some of his swimmers, clouding the water below. I thought of that Kleenex commercial in which a Buddhist monk unwittingly blows his nose into an anti-bacterial tissue, after having saved snails and bugs and other little critters in his path. That expression is priceless!... My Buddha! Does this mean it's bad karma for moi to have drowned potential life-givers?!!!

BTW i'll have to find something more concise than "York II", for my future entries. If we continue seeing each other after this weekend, that is. : )


*Not their real name
** Not the real city

Carolina and Me

In Carolina, Julia Stiles' character Carolina's grandmother, played by Shirley MacLaine, dies in a car accident. Carolina loses her composure when attempting to reclaim her grandma's things at the pound.

"I never got to say goodbye!" She cries.

I never got to say goodbye to my grandma either. I remember opening her closet a year later, taking mental inventory of her things, taking in the scent, longing for her presence. Incredulous that she was gone.

And so i also cry.

Revelation 15

I've always sympathized with Maggie, the protagonist in Runaway Bride.

She never knows who she really is, and she becomes the person she's with in every relationship, and never questions if she's really happy.

Tonight my date questioned whether i knew what rapport was, and whether i needed the subtitles on during a movie on DVD.

All because i had an accent?!!

I felt so far from being understood, i didn't even have the energy to explain myself.

His apartment had a distinct scent, just like JD's had, which i had failed to detect after a while.

If i would've stuck by him, i would've taken on bike riding and organic grocery shopping. And chado too, to boot. And who needs to switch teapots between different kinds of tea? Freak.