Two Shakes Of Irrelevance

Is it me, or are Dominic Purcell of Prison Break and George Eads of CSI practically twins?


Source: IMDB.com

This Cross I Bear

Yesterday afternoon, i caught York II on his way out to a hike. It was a gorgeous day.

"Maybe we can IM later," said York.

"Sure," i wrote back. "I'll probably be on."

Two minutes later, i logged off.

Later that night, in my drunken stupor, i drove to see JD. It's amazing how the drive still makes me sentimental.

I don't know why i always set myself up. JD has found a new friend he's engrossed by. Another quest. Another damsel in distress.

At least he has someone. Somewhat. I have nobody.

It was still nice to lie next to him, our legs entangled. Not even sexual or anything - we're way past that. But just the warmth and softness of flesh... Nothing beats that sensation. That truly is where loneliness sprouts.

This morning, before leaving for golf, JD didn't give me the usual peck on the cheek like he used to on Mondays.

Of course, he'd say he didn't want to wake me.

Of course, why should he. He's not my boyfriend.

Expectations are a bitch. They go hand in hand with disappointment.

"Desire breeds misery." That was Buddha's enlightened insight.

Instead of sleeping in, I went to hang out with my brother and his cos i didn't want to be alone yet. I became highly irritable and didn't even know why. What i thought was going to be a short luncheon turned into a half-day event. I became restless.

After all that, W and Elsie had the nerve to try to guilt me into staying for the net conference with our Mom.

"She won't even miss me," i snapped.

"Sure she does," assured Elsie.

"Is that why i email her all the time and she never writes back?" I challenged.

I'm turning 36 this year. Guilt stopped working a while back, people. Spare me. When i'm ready to go home, i'll go. Let's not put up a fight, K?

I came home to a message left by Rob who just flew to Chicago today. Last week he'd told us about his dying grandma. His Mom had already flown out to be by her bedside. I was like, "When are you going?"

"Well, not until i hear word..." Rob hesitated. "Basically i don't want to make two trips."

I totally laughed. "So you're saying you're waiting for her to die? Don't you wanna see her alive one last time?"

It was none of my beeswax, and i was just telling it like it was cos it was ridiculous to me. But somehow Rob took my reaction to heart. Yesterday he called to let me know he'd decided to take a trip out after all "because of what [i] said." And he thanked me.

I'm starting to hate his thanking me every two seconds.

Rob hangs on to my every word a little too much more than i would like. And he's been calling EVERY single day. That's just not right.

And today, he called just to let me know he made it alright. And that it was freezing out there. Did i ask?

To top it off, he concluded," So, when you get the news, give me a call."

Like hell! He should know better than that. He could've said "if you get a chance", or "if you feel like it", but no! *Buzzer*!!! Wrong prompt!

Even before he tried to make a move on me, he'd said that we have a great connection, and that people who get you are few and far between. Hmm, sounds like something i've been telling JD all along.

This is my thought lately: I guess none of it matters after all. If not liking Rob back makes me shallow, like JD deems himself, then maybe i am shallow, too. And if that makes me a bad person, then so be it.

With every day that goes by, i respect Rob a little less and grow a little more annoyed. It's not gonna happen, buster. Give it a rest. And now, world, leave me alone.

Babies Rule

When my nephew OC was born last October, i didn't think i would ever feel about him the way i did AC, OC's older brother. Newborn OC was not as good-looking as infant AC, and had various health issues which prompted him to cry mysteriously at times.

Last night i looked into OC's eyes during one of his crying fits. The noise became a sound with which the little boy communicated helplessly. And he looked right back at me.

I pecked him on the cheek. Those chubby cheeks!!

When a new kid enters your life, your love is not shared by that addition. It grows.

I guess this is the closest i would come to know how it feels to be a parent.

My brother W is known to say, "Babies have to be cute! It's nature's way to prevent abandonment. You take one look at their faces and keep feeding them and wiping their asses."

Some parents believe their kids make them better people. It must be true.

And You May Quote Me 3

Like it or not, every encounter leaves you beyond recognition. Even to yourself.

Some Days It Doesn't Take Much

For Christmas Denisse gave me this scented oil warmer. Now i'm totally hooked. My apartment smells incredibly divine, AND it's so pretty to look at. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Tonight, as i finally watch Godfather III and steal a glance at my aroma stand every now and then, i experience true happiness - something that hasn't happened for me in quite a while.

"What if JD moves to Miami?" My inner devil asks.

"I'll be okay," i replied.

Impromptu

I wish i had maple-glazed Canadian bacon right now... : P

On This First Day of 2007

4 days before New Year's, Denisse had made it clear that she didn't want to sit at home "like a dork". Even though i could totally imagine being a homebody on this blessed night - after all, it is just another night - i'd feel bad if Denisse couldn't realize her wish on my account. She's been there for me in the past; i don't turn my back on someone who's been good to me in their time of need.

But i couldn't lie either. When we IM'd in the afternoon of the last day of 2006, i whined, "I so don't wanna change and dress nice... Doesn't feel like an evening to celebrate..."

"C'mon," typed Denisse. "We can pretend, can't we?"

We went back to the place with the stripper pole. In stark contrast to the last time we were there with JD, the place was hopping now. We almost didn't get in due to their 150-person capacity and an imminent fire inspection. When we were standing in line out in the cold, seeing fire trucks and police cars zoom by, Denisse said, "I just want in!"

"Yeah," i concurred. "I need my first drink to get me going!" (Of course, it wouldn't be my first drink. I had shared a bottled of aperitif wine with W my brother earlier.)

She laughed, "I know!"

"So... what did you do last year?" She asked later.

"I spent it with JD," i replied. "We drank ourselves silly... And watched a lot of DVD's."

I'm sure she was sorry she had asked. Haha.

Thank goodness, they managed to make room. The tiny joint was extremely crowded. It'd take 10 minutes just to get a drink. And you'd have to be on full alert to get the bartend's attention - they were tremendously understaffed. You snooze, you lose. And you'd need to time yourself: When your glass is half full, you best get back in line again, before you run out.

I saw all these attractive, giddy people, and i thought, what are they so happy about?

Took two eight-dollar drinks before i even began to loosen up. And then i didn't care that i didn't belong.

In a span of two hours, i caught a whiff of the following on different occasions:

a) burp
b) fart
c) someone who desperately needed deodorant. In the ladies' room.

And, last but not least:

d) oxidized menstrual blood. By the bar.

My olfactory sense is seldom that keen. That was uncanny. I couldn't help but crack a joke in protest, "Like, use a tampon, not a pad!"

Denisse didn't share my sense of humor. Oops, she probably prefers pads.

The countdown was a blur. I felt sad there was no one to kiss at midnight. At least they handed out free champagne. Well, not exactly free, considering there was cover. And the bubbly, despite the Moët & Chandon glasses, tasted like swill. But Denisse and i sure looked happy in our self-portrait, champagne glasses in hand.

I don't know how she does it, two drinks and a coat, AND she whips out her camera and takes pictures with it.

I feel that Denisse genuinely likes me at times. Why else would she want to commemorate moments with me? I make her laugh. It's a good feeling when that happens. But she probably won't hang out with me forever. People change. Life is ever-changing.

Today Denisse and i had lunch with my brother's family. She seemed sincerely enthralled by my nephew AC. That's when you know someone has a good heart. Due to our luncheon arrangement, i had to hang out at her place for a couple more hours than previously planned. She didn't seem to mind at all. As a matter of fact, she seemed to remarkably enjoy my company.

I spotted a 100-proof version of SoCo, Rob's favorite drink, at BevMo yesterday. Impressed, i texted Rob, to share a moment of camaraderie. He called me right back. I was on my way out but i took the call anyway. Soon it became obvious that he hadn't read my text.

I don't think he gets the concept of text messaging. It's just a glimpse of a fleeting moment. You DON'T have to talk.

This morning Denisse and i talked about the weather, given that it was a beautiful day today. She informed me that the sun had peeked out in her hood yesterday.

"Not in my area," i said. "It was yucky. Cloudy all day in Sunnyvale. Ironic, isn't it?"

She didn't laugh.

When JD called tonight, i realized yet again that no one gets me quite like he does. This is bad.