Provocation

Just finished reading The Help. When the movie came out, i was intrigued. I knew i had to read the book. I didn't want any imagery laid out for me. My mind makes the best pictures.

The premise of the story resonates with me on several levels. Humanitarianism has been dear to my heart for years. Life is not fair and nobody ever said it was. The only fair thing we can do is to look at a situation from all angles. It's easy to hate. It's quick to hate. But to walk in someone's shoes, to try to understand. To me this enriches the human experience.

Not long ago, a friend on FB updated his status:

Just watched The Help. Now I want to beat up white people.

Man, was he missing the point. Of the entire book.

Then there's the childrearing aspect that rattles me viscerally. The fact that my mother was not my primary caretaker, either. She made the bucks. She provided. But a child remembers the person who tended to her needs when she was hungry; when she was sick. When she needed a maternal figure.

I remember when i was in grade school i used to wish that my father would divorce my mother and marry my Aunt Teresa so we could be a real family.

Now, i have struggled with that very simplified notion. The feminist in me keeps arguing if a woman is not good enough a mother unless she stays at home full-time, outside of the work force. I can't reconcile that.

My Aunt Teresa, under-educated and far from insightful, who happened to also have worked as a maid before she married my schizophrenic uncle she'd been caring for, did nothing inspiring like teach me self-respect or human intrinsic values. But the selflessness and the dedication i witnessed. And remember. And am grateful for.

I know it takes a village, but to this day i wonder what it would be like if all those good qualities could be one embodiment. Does this just mean i'm not very enlightened?

Speaking of feminism, I sure am delighted by the idea of a female character in that era who does not necessarily worry over being single in her early twenties when she is surrounded by friends with babies. Especially when the man she fell in love with does not get the importance of what she's doing, the greatness of it all. He does not get her. NEVER marry someone who does not get you.

While The Help is set in Jackson, Mississippi in the '60's, I am reminded, with disgust and sadness, that the subservient culture is still alive and well today in many parts of Asia (that I know of). Women from the Philippines and Indonesia, among other nations that chronically suffer a shortage in jobs, are exported into more well-to-do parts of the continent to work as live-in maids. College-educated women. Can you imagine the humiliation? And yes they are still expected to act meek, Yes-ma'am this, Yes-sir that. Miles and miles from home, they don't get a lot of days off. Their only family in a strange land are other maids. And the wealthy societies go and mock these women in so-called comedy, reinforcing stereotypes on what these women look and sound like. It's all a joke to them, as if they've chosen this.

Right now i have friends on FB, people i went to school with, who have posted statuses like, "I can't wait till my maid is back from vacation!" Seriously? That's your biggest problem? Makes me cringe.

Heck, i also recall, back in the '90's, when i was still living in the L.A. area and hanging out with Persian "friends". There was this particular family that had done well for themselves. They had this Hispanic woman who came in to help a couple of times a week. They called her Mexican then, cuz, you know, it was L.A. Now i'm not even sure that was her heritage. I will never forget the way she'd look around the house, tiptoeing, speaking softly, if speaking at all, rarely speaking unless spoken to. The family acted civil with her when they had company. But i swear there was fear in her eyes. When i would smile at her, thank her, etc. she could barely look me in the eye. She'd turn away, as if even smiling back would get her accused of slacking or something. I wondered time and again, what might someone have said to her in the past? To have broken her spirit? The last straw was when the matriach was the family would stress, in the presence of company, "We don't treat her like help." Really? From where i sat, that was all they'd ever done. At any rate, if you didn't see someone different than you, is there a need to mention the nonexistence of that difference?

I know the classes and the deep-seated mentality of "we're better than them" are not going away any time soon. I'm just glad, every now and then, someone writes a book to shake us up a little so some of us don't forget how ridiculous we can be and still are.