Authentication

I am not the same person I was two years ago.

Even though I'm a far cry from my mother who cannot boil water for her life ("How will i know when it comes to a boil?" She has said. Seriously. My mother is an intelligent woman, graduated top of her class. But one of the most sheltered persons you'll ever meet), I'm realistic - i'm no domestic goddess. I just recently shamelessly confessed to RJ that i don't avoid cleaning the tub out of laziness; i simply don't know how. Cooking is a hobby because it's just a nightmare for someone with OCD - i'm constantly wiping counters down, washing my hands and generally being counter-productive. The idea of entertaining paralyzes me, i don't dream of motherhood. Heck, a few years back i concluded that, even though i considered myself a dog person, i was pretty sure the trouble wasn't worth it.

The most free-spirited thing i ever did was to have walked on grass barefoot in my freshman year in college. I don't think i've done it since. I appreciate nature in a National Geographic way, from a distance. I don't like getting wet and i don't enjoy sweating. I think Amelia may have been on to something when she, in her early days of frustration and ambivalence coping with RJ's relationship with me, once called me his "Taiwanese princess". It's my favorite inside joke with RJ. I'm not Taiwanese. But maybe i'm a little against getting down and dirty.

This afternoon, in my second gardening attempt (my first was Thai basil, possibly my favorite herb of all time. Well, a close tie with cilantro. It's a toughie), i planted three herbs all at once in the new pot that RJ had purchased and prepped with a soil mix for me. I touched the dirt this time while i loosed the roots. I smelled the scent of the earth. I took in the sensations and didn't want to stop until it was all done, patted down, watered. My legs had fallen asleep then. The cockles of my heart were filled with satisfaction.

I thought, Wow, i like playing with dirt. Who knew? AND i've been feeding and walking Alley, picking up after her. Maybe i'm not such a princess after all.