The Upside of Anger

I have said in the past that anger is my least favorite emotion.

There's cultural influence too. We've been conditioned to regard anger as a negative emotion not to indulge in. 

It's like if you get angry, you're a bad person.

I've certainly been trained to think this.

In the past two years I have sought to understand anger so that it does not rule or ruin me.

It is very human to feel angry. All emotions serve a purpose. You will find that, as evolution has it, all comes back to survival. Instead of labeling an emotion "positive" or "negative", it is more helpful to understand each emotion's purpose.

It seems that in my case anger tends to fester to protect my psyche from having to deal with other, more difficult emotions, such as fear.

Once I realize this, it becomes a daily exercise to hit pause when anger wells up, to take a breather and examine what the underlying emotion is. Sometimes it's sadness that anger is masking.

The underlying emotions may not be obvious at first. Words like "injustice" or "helplessness" or "unappreciated" may come to mind. Dig deeper, and you'll get to what's under those.

Why does rejection feel like such a big deal? Because in ancient times, being shunned by your clan literally meant death.

Once you get to that next level of emotions, you'll often find that they are all about survival. That's how we are programmed. When we see that, we can forgive our brains.

Suppressing or ignoring anger definitely does NOT work. It will just resurface with a vengeance, adding resentment to the mix. "Venting" may seem to help at first glance. But there is a high likelihood of leading to more violent manifestations since the deep-seated anger has not dissipated. If anything, it's been given permission to escalate. Instead, if we acknowledge the emotions hidden behind anger, like magic, anger instantly cools off and loses its potency.

That "A-ha!" moment can be transformative.

A bonus is I find myself more mindful of when I have taken, or am about to take my frustration out on someone. When we do this, it's usually with someone close. Yes, it's those closest to us we hurt the most, because who else have we got? Thus it is critical to know oneself, to know where that anger is stemming from, and not attribute this emotion to an unrightful source.

My relationship with anger has changed. Not to say I never seethe and become blind with rage. But with practice I'm able to pull back and observe before the pesky amygdala goes berserk on me. Or, if I do go overboard, I can regroup after the fact and gain some insight, and hopefully do better next time. Sometimes there is a comic effect when I notice how absurd the whole thing is.

Oh, the human condition. Gotta luv it.