Quasi Major du Jour

Racism comes in ultra subtle forms.

Subtle racism is arguably harder to deal with than blatant racism. You don't quite know how to react. "Wait a minute," you ask yourself. "Were they being racist just now?" You're not sure you're entitled to be angry.

The worst kind of racist, arguably, is the racist who is not aware they are being racist. To them, they are just stating facts.

I am a racist. I am not the worst. I catch myself having moments, a thought, a reaction here and there. And I say to myself, "Whoa! You're racist." I agree, acknowledge that I am biased, question where that came from, realize the sentiment is not logical, and encourage myself to be less racist going forward.

You also find racism in the least expected places.

Last week I was at a semi-exciting business lunch with associates that we feel very fond of, people we think of as our friends even if we haven't exactly spent a lot of time with.

In our entertaining party, a supervisory figure of Hispanic decent named Jory* had just seen the movie Black Panther. The only time I'd come across the term was studying American history in high school. Yes, a bit out of touch with pop culture and the latest and hottest.

I asked Jory how he'd liked the movie, not even having a clue what genre it was, much less the synopsis.

He praised the action aspect. Then he lowered his voice. "If you don't mind me saying so," Jory said. "Black people are just a little... [self-important]"..." And he went on to explain that they "complained too much, a lot more than [other minority groups]."

I was incredulous. What just happened there? Inside I was screaming, "Perhaps they are vocal because they get killed a lot? More than the other minority groups?"

But I just sat there with a half smile frozen on my face.

Man, internalized racism much? Awkward at a lunch meeting, to say the least. Inappropriate? Very much so. Could I have handled it better? I totally would have liked to, but I am not the kind to make a scene. Besides, not sure of the best route about the scenario.

I was later reminded of an art school episode in my 20's. Because your version of world history is as good as the textbooks that were selected for you and the world view they projected, I was just learning about the Holocaust for the first time. The notion of genocide - singling out a group based on race/ethnicity and hating anyone and everyone in it so much as to scheme to eliminate it for all eternity, to make that your mission and to find glory in it... To this day I cannot process. Sorry but the Jews look as white as the other folks. The depth of horror and sadness I felt was awakening.

One day at break, seemingly fed up with all the Holocaust curriculum, an indignant Taiwanese friend spoke up.

"How about how the Japanese slaughtered thousands of Chinese civilians during WWII?" She cried. "How about the Rape of Nanking?"

I was incredulous. I was no stranger to the graphic details and the tension between the two countries that spanned over a generation or two. As a child I heard plenty of recounts of what the war was like, that the Japanese military made a point to torture and cause suffering, and acted like they enjoyed it.

And yet I never thought ALL Japanese were evil. Heck, I never even thought ALL Japanese military members were evil. Over time I learned that given a certain political climate and regime, one could be coaxed into unspeakable acts in the name of patriotism and self-preservation. Never say never. We are all capable of being pushed beyond that line. Which is why we should make a point to understand EVERY point of view instead of pointing fingers and wallowing in self-pity and spewing vitriol.

"Nobody talks about that!" My Taiwanese friend protested then, referring to the injustice that the Chinese had experienced during WWII.

Well certainly that subject has been amply covered. "And YOU can talk about it if you choose," I thought. "No one is stopping you."

But of course I didn't say anything. I don't like confrontation. And also don't think for a second you can enlighten someone in a casual afternoon chat in the courtyard of a rented building complex that shadows as a reputable institution.

It is not a competition! I would have said. Through history, the human race has hurt and killed its own breed in the name of greed and power. When it comes to war and genocide, it's an old tale over and over. If only we can look beyond race already. I don't know about you but I am tired.

Sometimes I do think humans are destined to self-destruct. Because you would think centuries later we'd be doing better by now in a global sense, treating each other better, uniting more, dividing less. But no. We haven't changed much.

Really grateful we are not immortal because can you imagine the desperation and depression?

On the day of my death I'll be like

Adios amigos! I'm outta here. You deal with this shit.


*Not his real name