Awe-Ite 3

Yesterday, over a week after my LEEP (Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure) (and that's one acronym you won't find on AcronymFinder.com, by the way,) and without lab results as promised within that time frame, i emailed Dr. Abrahm.

"The dysplasia is more severe that I thought," he wrote this morning.

Apparently i had missed his call while i was in the shower.

"We can discuss in person or over the phone," he suggested.

Well, is it cancer or isn't it?! I was exasperated. He could've just gotten to the point. Instead we had to play phone tag again.

As bitched to Denisse, "I am bracing myself for the worst. I just want to KNOW!"

Refusing to sit around suffering, i tried to take my mind off things by running errands. Around 3 p.m. (hail the Holy Trinity!) i got a hold of the doctor.

Reluctant to be impersonal, he gave me the option of a vis-à-vis consultation.

"I'd rather know sooner than later," i said.

He asked me if i was sitting down, if i was driving.

"I'm at a park, actually," I had come to the community pond that always cheered me up. "I can sit down."

After much deliberation, basically, he conveyed that, in lieu of the squamous cells that usually are culpable, it is the deeper tissue, the glandular cells, that are "of concern". There was a long Latin term for the occurrence which he could hardly pronounce.

"Technically," he finally said after probably 10 minutes. "It is cancer."

Technically? Either it is cancer or it is not.

Later i would tell RJ, "I appreciate the discretion but it's childish to tiptoe around the topic."

The good news is it is easily treated. No radiation or chemo necessary. Only surgery.

A specialist in gyno-oncology who went to Harvard has been consulted. Studies show that removal of the microscopic tumor (terminology Dr. Abrahm came around to using toward the end of the conversation) usually takes care of the problem. However, on rare occasions, cancerous cells can migrate to the uterus.

"A more aggressive approach is hysterectomy," explained Dr. Abrahm. "Although it is not recommended at the moment."

Most women remain cancer-free after the less drastic operation. Some who opt for uterine eradication will find no evidence of cancerous invasion.

His advice was that i go for the cone (yeah, funny name; no ice-cream is served) and wait at least a year or two while under close monitor. Then, if i still decide on the more intrusive treatment, i can.

He was concerned i'd still want kids at some point. When all the while muttering, "Uh huh, uh huh", i was screaming inside, "Get this thing out of me!"

Yet, somewhere while he described the severance, i suddenly pictured this pink apparatus leaving my body, felt the loss, and the implication of finalizing childlessness, and i got choked up.

"Tell you what," concluded Dr. Abrahm. "I'll send in the request for cone so you're in line. And if you change your mind, let me know."

Not like it's gonna happen today, or next week. One, my condition is still considered non-urgent. Two, we'll have to wait till my cervix heals from LEEP.

Yeah, wait till it grows back before you wield a knife at it.

We're shooting for early September. At least i won't have to cancel my Asia trip to see the 'rents. I'll be traveling with cancer.

I wanted to send RJ a brief email from the park, or text Denisse. But how do you summarize all this?

I came home and announced to RJ, "We are going to The Mirage*!"

They have the best fried zucchini ever. I figured this was a special day that called for deep fried food.

For the record, i was able to share the story before the chow came, and after only one sip of Sapphire and tonic.

Later in the evening, on the back porch having another witty interchange, RJ mused, "You are easy to be with."

"Because even when i have cancer," i responded. "I'm pleasant?" And i laughed.

"Are you okay?" Asked RJ.

"Yeah," i shrugged. "I thought, 'What's the worst case scenario? I have cancer.'"

I have cancer.

It feels good to say it.

In fact, i would've been very surprised had i gone through life without having had it. Besides, it could've been A LOT worse! Without nausea and hair loss, can it even be considered real cancer?

All joking aside, this was a fortunate outcome: I can eat. I can fuck. What more can i ask for?


*A dive bar within walking distance; not its real name

Veal Chop

Sweeney

Rainbow Maker

Floral 8

The unexpected polarized effect reminds me of Man Ray's work.

Witch's Hair

Big Fish

My hand for scale

Just Another Hookless Restroom Stall

Not.

No Caption Necessary... Almost 22

Yeah. Cuz those without bellies are just crap.

RJ's Birthday Lunch

Champagne sautéed oysters

Lobster roll

Artichoke Provençal

No Sex Please, We're Middle Class

Image courtesy Emiliano Ponzi via The New York Times

And You May Quote Me 61

I view subscribing to the Sunday paper as getting free rubber bands.

Bourbon Chicken

Purportedly named after Bourbon Street in New Orleans. Oh, and bourbon being one of the main ingredients in the marinade.

Smoked Turkey Leg

Another first.

The only times i'd seen this were when Trent would go to the annual Minnesota State Fair in August. I remember feeling in awe of the scale as he'd hold it up to his face.

At $2.39/lb., this baby is a hair under 3 bucks. Wha?! That's crazay!!! Gotta love Sprouts, the new kid on the block!

Chateau Deck 2

Dulce de leche cheesecake

Sabayon

Steve Martin Plays Banjo

Abigail Washburn and Kai Welch opened. Their duets were amazing.


with the Steep Canyon Rangers

I could've taken more pictures but i decided to watch the show instead.

Besides, i was cold.

What drew me to this bluegrass event was Steve Martin's statement during a recent interview:

I want to show people this is not hillbilly music.

The performers were very talented. It's sad. So many talents in the world. Why aren't they making more money?

Martin's humor did not disappoint. All in all very entertaining and impressive even though as a genre, this is probably not for me. My horizons have been expanded.

Chateau Deck

Ahi Poke

Smoked duck breast jicama salad

Tenderloin

Swordfish in caper butter sauce with wild rice

The Stuff

I dream of

food

horror

and photography.

In that order.

Autocontradiction

This appears to be just another bag of Japanese rice crackers.

This illustration indicates that this product contains no milk, egg, peanut or shrimp.

Only to be disputed with a back label that states:

This product is made on equipment that also makes products milk, egg, peanut, shrimp.

Dead Hatchling

A grim look at survival of the fittest. Or the absence thereof.

As i examined the victim (was it learning to fly?), Alley felt the need to mess with the crime scene.

The chest cavity appeared empty. I wonder if Alley was the perpetrator.

Adam 3

Hand for scale and also...

Glee!

Sweet Pea 2

The sweet pea produces what closely resembles the edible cousin, all the while appearing all beautiful and innocent.

Except its fruit kills when ingested in quantity.

That's one deception i never foresaw.

My Lunch Today 5

Drizzled with chili oil and garlic oil (neither of which was store-bought) and driven by a Parmesan calling. The simplest assemblage but oh so profoundly satisfying. The adult version of macaroni and cheese, if you will.

After the photo op i thought, "Doh! Parsley flakes would've added to the visual!"

But then i found peace in that i didn't need to taste parsley at that given point in time.

Present For JM

I am probably too old for BFF tokens, but this particular black cord design just screams JM to me. Perhaps she's outgrown that phase now. After all, that's a decade old memory. But i know she hasn't outgrown being my friend.

I got myself one too so that, as i wrote her (on Monokuro Boo stationery, no less), "we can be kindred".

After all'd been assembled, i couldn't wait to get it out to her. Hadn't felt that motivated in a long time.

The sappiness drips to a ridiculous degree.

I haven't apologized for being sentimental (can't recall anyway,) and i'm not gonna start now.

Even though the silly strand was made in China (where else?), it is sold by Glamour. And that makes it glamorous.

Alter-scape 3

They may call this a weed. But it is not a nuisance.

Barbecued Spareribs with Jalapeño Baste

Slowed baked with chili rub



Finger lickin' good!

Rub and Baste For Spareribs

I chose this recipe because I already had all the condiments. My cooking (and eating) philosophies have been evolutionalized in the past 6 months.


Turns out a basic barbecue sauce is simply tomato sauce, brown sugar and Worcestershire. In this application I am biased to a spicy cousin, of course.