Epiphany 19

For someone with OCD and GAD, a move is extremely chaotic and overwhelming.

It's always curious what you deem priority in sorting.

My cooking gadgets aren't in place, so i can't make mushroom omelet when i fear the crimini are rotting.

Tonight i look up from my keyboard at my computer desk to be missing my pen holder.

OK, no X-Acto knife. Can't cut.

Haven't done that in long time. But still. There was comfort in having it there.

Snippet 120

V:
Do you still have stalker issues?

Taylor:
No. I've moved enough times.

Quote 195

Happy is the heart that still feels
pain

Open
your chest and let it in

- "Everybody", Ingrid Michaelson

Snippet 119

Taylor:
I play pool so now you're texting!

V:
I need human interaction, one way or another.

Displacement 5

After my recent move i shopped at a new TJ's for the first time this afernoon. For Denisse and me TJ's is kinda like "our" thing.

Arriving at the parking lot was already unsettling. From the lot you oversee this humongous CalTrain station. Almost futuristic in a way, all new and shiny. It felt surreal, like i was stocking up on staples before departing on a galactic journey.

Wandering in the store felt strange and lonely. I just wanted to go home.

In line at the checkout stand, i looked up and caught sight of this banner reading:

Thank you for shopping at your neighborhood Trader Joe's!

"This is NOT my neighborhood," i thought. "Heck this isn't even my city!" (There is none in my city, to my dismay.)

I quickly left. Lest they abduct me on a choo-choo that soars into the sky. I'd rather remain earthbound.

Thanksgiving Dessert

Black Forest Cake with Breyer's triple chocolate ice-cream (white, milk, and dark)

When AC saw we brought in cake he asked, "Whose birthday is it?"
: D

Thanksgiving Feast

Elsie attempted roast duck for the first time:


Probing the bird

Red hot


Beef tongue is one of her specialties - can't go wrong. She lavishes with onion - the sauce is better than French onion soup IMHO.

Even her sautéed veggies make me salivate. I salute Elsie the great chef!

My Bubble Curtains

Life is but a dream...

Movin' & Groovin'

The mattress bag is so beautiful in this lighting, i was reminded of a virgin bridal veil.

Slept in...
I really like this shot for it is so English Patient, 21st century redux

Before i could locate my utility knife for flattening...

Now i be slashin'

Epiphany 18

I've experienced much that helps me today that really affected me at the time but i didn't know why.

Sleeping with the Enemy.

Probably not the most critically acclaimed nor did it do well at the box office. But it gripped me. Inexplicably.

Laura, just feeling out her new independent life, picks some apples off her neighbor's tree to bake an apple pie.

Her neighbor and later love interest catches her red-handed (when and where it shouldn't have been a big deal) and she releases the fruits off her suspended garment, and indignantly states:

I don't make deals.

I didn't understand then. The dude was flirting and making an in. And she stuck to principles. And runs. So the slate stays clean.

Today i run often.

I've been told that what i think i want may not be what i really want.

Fear of intimacy is a bitch.

Another Pseudo Milestone

Damn it i missed it by one!

Crimini Omelet

Closest to success to date in terms of shaping

Quote 194

Dying to die

just to come back
so we can meet again

- "Dying", The Battle For Everything, Five for Fighting

And People Wonder Why I Don't Watch the News

[On the series of arson in Contra Costa County]

"They do believe someone is responsible."

- Jade Hernandez, KTVU, Channel 2 News

Mayo ~ May I? Approximately Saucy

Last night i told Oscar* that, having watched the sunset at Ocean Beach



and having photographed the Golden Gate from China Beach

i had no regrets. I'd die happy.

Because i take beauty to heart and i don't take for granted i wake up the next day.

I think he was a little dumbfounded.

Well, it's different when you welcome death. You don't quite word it that way, though.


*Not his real name

Quote 193

She says

My God it's over

He says

I've found another fish in the sea

I say

Why me?

- "Love Story", America Town, Five For Fighting

Alyssa Bernal

She is amazing.

I heard her cover of Jay Sean's Down (the simple lyrics inexplicably touched me to begin with) and was hooked. Mesmerized. The vulnerability and honesty was precious. I ate it all up.

What a talent. She deserves a record deal.

Tonight i hear All I Need, an original, and i adore her and would kiss her feet.

She's the reason i don't kill myself on certain nights. She inspires compassion and even-kilter-ness. I hate Goldie less.

Not a Bad View 3

Spanish Sautéed Calamari

with cabbage and stewed zucchini

Quote 192

[Having visited 4 clients before noon]
I have fake smiled so much all morning, i now have a headache!

- Derek II

Claire

This afternoon, as i was about to exit the driveway to get back to work, an older Asian couple walked across. Sloooooowly.

I have a serious case of road rage. I have no patience. Drivers and pedestrians alike fail to escape my wrath.

"They just had to be crossing my path at this moment!" I thought. "Damn all the senior housing around here!"

As i growled, the woman turned around and smiled at me for yielding.

I was shocked, humbled, and melted all at once. I so did not deserve her gratitude. I felt ashamed. They had every right to that road as I. She had far more grace.

I was grateful for that moment.

The Most Romantic Thing a Recent Date Said

My only regret is i didn't get enough of your perfume on my hands to take home with me.

Prosperity

In order to heal, i'm gonna have to go back, way back, say, to a Sunday when i was 15 and i'd read a 300-page novel cover to cover and revel in my own world galaxies away from fellow humans (or so they'd have me believe).

The span of time travel is vast and my strength is waning.

All In a Day's Work 43

This morning, hanging out in my office, Marcos made Dictionary.com pronounce a series of vulgar words and kept cracking up. I mean the dude was literally in tears.

Such kids i work with.

"V! V!" Cried an enthused Marcos. "What's the dirtiest word you can think of?"

Without deliberation i replied, "Cunt."

To which Marcos responded:

How do you spell it?

Epiphany 17

You can't be a good writer if you don't allow yourself to experience a little pain now and then.