Sunday, September 06, 2020

Cecilia, Lux, Bonnie, Mary, and Therese

Yesterday I finally watched The Virgin Suicides. I had wanted to watch it from inception. Somehow 21 years slipped by before I did.

It was a bit darker than I had imagined, even though the title should have clued me in (I wasn't sure to take it literally or not). I liked that the book had been written by a man and it managed to beautifully and convincingly delve into the psyche of teenage girls. Having been one myself eons ago, admittedly I did not/do not understand my peers and how their minds worked/work at times.

Given the current pandemic and quarantine, the isolation portrayed in the story couldn't have hit closer to home. If the author (and screenplay writer/adapter) chastised the mother who in no uncertain terms is responsible for driving her daughters toward desperation, the sentiment was very subtle, which somehow makes the tragedy all the more unbearable.

I like that the narrator and his friends, young as they were, truly cared about the Lisbon girls, a yearning to be close that went beyond lust, esteem and prestige. They didn't like them in spite of the fact they were girls, or solely because they were girls, but almost with a kind of intrigue and respect, as persons and individuals. Sure, the girls were beautiful. But oh, the connection!

OK. So maybe the boys worshipped the girls like they were deities, to some degree. The daily convention to observe the latter, subscribing to the same magazines, etc. was more religion than hobby. In the end, when the world was moving on from the painful memory (or did they ever care?), the boys acknowledged a long goodbye. That moment to me was pure friendship.

I hope it was true to the book. 

Drama has to be believable for me to buy and get into.

There was one point that bothered me: Therese was 17 going on eighteen. She was so close to becoming an independent adult. Finally free to make her own decisions, go where she pleased, no longer confined, physically and psychologically. Why wouldn't she have waited? I'd be counting down the days.

Also, why did each girl choose a different method of suicide? Wouldn't it be easier to, say, all take sleeping pills, as one of them did? Perhaps there weren't enough sleeping pills. Still, employing seemingly ALL methods in the book (save for a shot in the temple) seems unpractical. One's gotta ask: how to decide who gets what? What if two of them want the same method? Was there an argument? Personally, sticking one's head in the oven is way too uncomfortable. Worse, hanging. I couldn't tie a secure knot to save my life - oops, the point would not be to save my life, touché.

I wonder if the book alluded to more. The problem with watching a movie based on a book that I haven't read, for me, is I tend to wonder if the book will be better. Books usually are. But, once I have seen the movie, I can't go to the book. The movie will have ruined it for me. (And once I have read a book I have no need for the move, as in The Help, and Eat Pray Love.)

As in Gone Girl, I had such high hopes. I bought the book and sat on it and sat on it. When the movie came out, I tried with all my might to avoid seeing or hearing anything about it. But it is near impossible in today's day and age. Ultimately, just knowing that Ben Affleck starred in the leading role ruined the reading experience when I finally got to it. Try as I did, it could not be un-ruined.

Gone Girl, incidentally, was a novel obviously based on meticulous research, very well structured (for the most part). But in the end it quickly unraveled for me. Again, it's a fine line between incredible (good) and unbelievable (I'm out of here).

Perhaps these are reasons that the ambiguity of The Virgin Suicides really appealed to me. It is not about a pedantic moral. (Is it just me, though?)

Saturday, September 05, 2020

Quote 288

Oh, it must be nice
To love someone
who lets you break them twice.

- FINNEAS

Thursday, August 20, 2020

Quote 287

 ... a cheerful life lived in ignorance... is worse than a less agreeable one lived with the truth.

- Kwame Anthony Appiah

Saturday, August 15, 2020

Quote 286

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.

- Rainer Maria Rilke

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

Quote 285

Life is a pill which none of us can bear to swallow without gilding.

- Samuel Johnson

Sunday, July 26, 2020

Quote 284

In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.

- 
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sunday, July 05, 2020

Temperance

You know that stereotype of an aging, get-off-my-lawn curmudgeon? Now that I am nearly 50 (I tend to round up), I definitely have far less patience for downers.

In Chinese, age 50 is dubbed "half-hundred" to indicate a milestone imbued with wisdom. I don't know about wise, but I am more likely to speak my mind, with that "If you don't like it you can unfriend me" bulletproof vest on.

In this age of bad news and more bad news, I am saturated to the point where, if you're going to be a killjoy, I don't even have the energy to engage. Killjoys like my mother, and Aunt Lynn.

They mean well, of course. They always mean well.

When I was younger I enjoyed rebutting that pathetic excuse with one of the best quotes of all time:

"All roads to hell are paved with good intentions."

The year I turned 18, I was moving to California. Aunt Lynn sent a card with some pragmatic housewarming gifts such as kitchen towels and potholders (I didn't even know one needed potholders). In the card, essentially she had written:

"Out in California, careful not to get skin cancer!"

It was so Aunt Lynn. My favorite story to tell whenever I needed to illustrate what a worrywart she was. I'd tell the story, and I'd laugh. It's that absurd.

For years Aunt Lynn was that aunt who would forward apocalyptic news by email that a friend must have forwarded to her. Forwarded by a friend who must have gotten it from a friend. Like a secret club of chain letters.

And these days, now that people don't exactly email for fun anymore, WhatsApp groups, and the like. My mother has been guilty of the same. Seen a piece of news (more like a photo with text) with no date? Forward. It even says "Forward to friends and family to save them!" If I would have had a dollar every time I've fact-checked on their behalf, to debunk or identify as irrelevant due to passage of time... How are people who don't fact-check not embarrassed?

Ever noticed that "pet peeves" are not very "pet" at all?

It irks me to no end, people who make negative comments on social media. People who are supposed to be your friends. It does not happen to me a lot. But I get angry witnessing it happen to someone else. (Yeah, exactly why I have greatly reduced time spent on social media.)

When someone posts a photo of food they have enjoyed, just be happy for them. Please refrain from stupid advice like "Oh, but the cholesterol!", "So high in calories!", "Consuming raw seafood is risky!" They're adults. They know the risks. Have you ever encountered anyone who, when confronted with such comments, responds with, "Oh! Thank you SO much! I had NO idea!!!"?

People who make such comments are probably jealous. Please take your jealousy and move along. Keep scrolling.

This reminds me. About a decade ago, maybe, Aunt Lynn observed that my cousin Trent had put on weight. She pained over (for days) whether of not she should "tell him". I was incredulous. Eventually I was able to talk her out of it. (I was nice about it.) I mean seriously, don't you think he has a mirror?

People make the choices they make. Your are not their savior. Mind your own business.

Incidentally it was only a phase. Trent has been going to the gym regularly since. And if he hasn't? His life. Bug off!

The world is full of negativity. If we can't build each other up, what are we even doing here? And if we can't build each other up, the least we can each do as a decent human being is not to add to the negativity.

Yesterday I decided that I deserved a real long weekend, one of peace and quiet. I didn't need to discuss politics, yet again, with the 'rents, on Skype. I didn't need noise.

So I stated as much in our WhatsApp group, and did so without apologizing. (In the past, whenever I'd miss Skype, I'd apologize. EVERY. Time.) Bam! Self care. It felt good. It felt liberating, and empowering.

Not to say there was no trace of guilt. But I am not looking back.

This morning my mother has left one of those "best in moderation" comments on one of my new food photos. At first I was furious. Knee-jerk was to justify my decision. I commented on her comment, stomach in knots, bracing the possibility of a "feud".

Moments later, fuming less, I thought, I am so tired of explaining myself! Her comment was actually not worth my time and energy. You know that cliché: not going to dignify that with a response? I deleted my comment.

And it felt good. It felt liberating, and empowering.

There is no button for you to push, Ma. Not today.

I am half-hundred. I have no patience for negative people. Get off my lawn.