Snippet 21

Henry:
Lucy, will you marry me?

Lucy:
Of course!

Henry:
Don't forget about me.

Lucy:
Never.

- 50 First Dates

Enlightenment

Elytron: The singular form of elytra, hardened wing cases à la those on beetles, which shield the fragile flight wings underneath.

Kinda like the brave front we put on every single day, cos as soon as we let our guard down, we'll be crushed. We'll never take flight again. We'll turn brittle, crumble and get blown away, winding up in a ditch. We'll moan and try to roll over and die, but we can't.

Cos we're dust. And dust is just a nuisance that everybody wishes would dissipate, but doesn't really go away. Dust just... settles.

(Oh, "dust" and "just" rhyme!)

Revelation 14

Así Es la Vida. Such is life. That's a program on KFSF, channel 20. A soup, i'm sure.

My dear friend JM used to lament all the time, That's life, after sharing another thought-provoking episode that is the saga of her life, before moving to Minnesota. We'd laugh at the helplessness we both experienced. "Lovelorn" didn't begin to describe the two of us.

I kinda thought that, after i finally got a job, it would kill a lot of the anxiety i'd felt in the past 3 years, and i'd drink a lot less automatically. Not so.

Tonight, after having been to the gym after work (i don't know how i did that), i was sore and exhausted. I even managed to take a much needed shower first. Still i yearned to drink.

There's nothing like drinking, i concluded. (I haven't had recreational drugs, but still.) As i had those first few sips, i savored the sensation of the tonic washing over me like warm liquid silk. I took in the moment with all my being.

Yep, nothing like it. Which is why, alarmingly, a part of me still aches for the times when JD and i could drink AND talk and laugh, all at the same time. Even if that was never gonna last. Even if that was never gonna quite fill the void that is ever prevalent and pervasive, more profound than i can possibly start to remedy.

On Hidden Agenda and Slip Ups

JD worries that, if we go and see Chicago together, we'll start things up again, repeating a cycle we've repeated eight times.

I'm reminded of a scene in Fever Pitch, when Ben comes around, wanting to give it another try, to which Lindsey replies:

"I was really, really hurt, Ben. Sometimes, when that happens, something inside you gets shut off."

Yeah, it's my pilot light.

So I don't think JD has to worry about me trying anything funny again. (No, not funny haha - i'm not laughing.) I just wanna see the frigging musical and cross it off my list.

Happy Birthday To Dear Rena*

I went to this kiddy birthday party thing this afternoon. Elsie my sis-in-law invited me. It was a-friend-of-a-friend sort of thing. She's very thoughtful that way. She knows i have nothing going on.

My nephew doesn't get a lot of play dates, but still way more than i've dated in my lifetime.

I accepted the invite because, yeah, it's true, what else do i have going on? And... well, who can say no to free food?!

Once i was done eating though, i looked around and saw all these couples and kids. Nothing but couples and kids.

Oh my god, i don't belong here, I screamed inside.

"Remind me not to come to one of these again for as long as i live," another voice said.

I felt nauseous.

Later on, i learned that Kay,* a friend of Elsie's, had asked her, unable to stifle ridicule, "What is your husband's sister doing here?" She actually used the phrase "tag along".

I mean, what kind of question is THAT?!! Isn't it pretty obvious i must not have anything that remotely resembles a life when i show up at one of these, when i, a single woman, should make like a social butterfly and mingle, just not HERE?! You would think someone as beautiful as herself would be more sensitive.

Ah, but isn't it the beautiful ones that are incapable of compassion. After a certain age, it's like a crime not to have a date to an event. If you can't fit in status quo by being married with children, at least have a date. Couldn't i just wanna be there for my nephew, cos i loved him? Couldn't i just wanna spend time with my bro, even if it had to be done at a despicable kiddy birthday bash?

The three-year-old birthday girl posed and grinned for every picture taken with each present unwrapped. After the fifth present, she resembled a robot.

This is how we learn to be fake. This how we grow up and lose touch with genuine emotions.

Guess what, i'm glad i don't have kids.


*Not her real name

Snippet 20

Grissom:
Sorry about your sister.

Cassie:
The dead don't bleed.

Grissom:
Death does have its advantages.

- "The Hunger Artist", CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Snippet 19

(Lindsey it chatting with her gal pals about her new guy Ben.)

Robin:
Something's not quite right.

Chubby Chick:
Robin!

R:
No, no, he's great. But he's not 22.

Lindsey:
So?

R:
So, where's he been? Why's he still on the market?

L:
Umm...

CC:
Maybe he hasn't found the right person!

R:
By now he should be with the wrong person! How has he not been tranquilized and tagged?

- Fever Pitch